The Offtopic Wars Saga

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#1 by gabezhul
2010-11-08 at 20:33
This topic is for the veterans of VNDB, who sailed the raging offtopic seas of many threads, yet lived to tell the tale. They will understand it all, but the rest of you might find something amusing within these lines as well. :P

These chapters were written in the last three days of my study-breaks in order to rest my brain-cells and to honor the well-established tradition of going off on thee boards and the amusing craziness it can create. Have a nice read. :D

This story takes place in the year 2017. All characters and events are entirely fictional, any resemblance to real people or events is the work of the author…

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FIRST CHAPTER OF THE RECKONING WAR SAGA!
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The air was brimming with anticipations. Thousands upon thousands of Tooth-Fairies were watching my every move as I walked up to the stand towering above the main square of the capital of Sub-Fairyland. The gentle spring sun dressed the beautiful town of SubTopia in festive colors befitting the occasion, as if Mother Nature herself was giving her blessing upon my decision. As I stepped on the pedestal, a sweet breeze hit my face, compelling me to close my eyes for a second.
Gabe: "…"
I could hardly believe we would come this far. My own city, my own land, my own loyal minions… They said I was just a run-of-the-mill mad scientist, yet here I am.
I took one last breath, opened my eyes and finally take my place on the stand. I could literally feel the gaze of countless eyes on my skin. It was a strangely nauseating feeling, yet I was filled with excitement. I cleared my throat, and raised my arms. The almost mind-numbing clamor of a thousand individuals suddenly came to an abrupt halt, its place taken by undivided attention. I looked over them as I let my arms down. Tens… No, hundreds of thousands fairies were filling my view. Even the back-streets and the rooftops were filled with them. An overwhelming attention, but I couldn’t turn back, nor did I intend to. This was the biggest day of my life, after all.
Gabe: "My loyal subjects! Tooth-Fairies! Sub-Fairies! "
My voice was roaring with a majestic echo throughout the whole city."
Gabe: "Sabotages. Assassinations. Robbery and murder. The terror we had to suffer from our elusive enemies, acting in the cover of night like cowards they are, preying on the weak and wreaking havoc amongst the suffering. We have all seen it, we have all experienced it. They are all around us, watching us, fearing us. Yes, fearing! As they knew, HE knew that once we are united, we are stronger than them. And so we are! The time has finally come! Every day, we had to live in fear. Every day, we said goodbye to our friends, not knowing if we ever see them the next day. Every day, our families were living in constant fear for their lives… Not anymore!
This is the day we draw the line! This is the day we say: It’s enough! This day, we, standing together and proud, will declare it in unison: We will not live in fear anymore! We are strong, we are united, and we had ENOUGH!
This is the day we take the rudder of our fates in our own hands on the raging sea of Styx, and show our enemies that we are not to be trifled with! We are going to WAR!
We are going to strike at the heart of the enemy, but we are not going to lower ourselves to their level! We are going to meet them in glorious battle, and clear the stain of their wretched existence off the face of our beautiful world once and for all! We will destroy them, utterly annihilate them, so that they would never return!
And once the dust settles down, and all the pain of today will be nothing more than a distant memory of the past, we will create the peace and prosperity this land always deserved, that WE always deserved!
This is the day we will create history, the opening day of the Reckoning War! And they will PAY for every drop of blood they ever shed THOUSANDFOLD!"
I got really emotional during the speech, so I haven’t even realized until the end: Silence. Not the same silence as at the beginning, but an almost serene, devoted silence. It was a little scary at first. Thousands upon thousands of eyes, filled with indescribable emotions, all staring at me in quiet unison without as much as a sound. The only thing I could hear was the quiet, kissing breeze touching my cheek. And then, a weak voice from the midst of the crowd called out…
?????: "Thousandfold…"
The crowd slowly but steadily started repeating the word, over and over and over again, with their fists in the air. In just a few second, the whole square, the whole city was filled with the chanting. All of them, without hesitation or wavering, stood up to show their support. And in the middle of all this, I was standing there, on the stand, smiling.
I was happy. No. Words cannot describe that feeling. I think... I think that was the first time in my life I ever felt TRULY alive. I waved at the crowd and slowly left the stage, while I carved the moment in my memory for all eternity…

????: "Good job."
As I entered the complex, I was greeted by a totally deadpan voice. I shot an annoyed glance at the source as I started peeling myself out of the ceremonial outfit.
Gabe: "Would it kill you to at least act like you care?"
????: "I do. That’s why I said: -Good job-."
Gabe: "…"
The little Tooth-fairy flew to my side and helped me into my lab-coat. Her name was Jill, my trusty advisor. She was amongst the first ones to accept my rule, and she has proven to be an invaluable ally, and more importantly, a trusted friend.
Gabe: "First things first. Give a raise to the sound engineering team; they did an outstanding job with the voice-enchantment."
Jill: "How much?"
Gabe: "Make it twenty percent. They deserve it."
Jill: "Twenty… percent…"
She wrote it down in her small notebook as she was flying beside me. My next stop was at the Central Command Post in the basement of the building, but I wasn’t in a hurry. I walked leisurely as Jill sat down on my shoulder.
Gabe: "How are the preparations?"
Jill: "The army is ready. The first and second Sub-Fairy and the auxiliary Tooth-Fairy divisions are ready to move. The third Sub-Fairy division and the mercenary forces will be organized in approximately two days."
Gabe: "What about the volunteers?"
Jill: "Still under training."
Gabe: "Financial report?"
Jill: "Our incomes are steadily rising. The International Banana Export Conglomerates were very generous with their donations."
Gabe: "Of course they were. For us, it’s a righteous war. For them, it’s doing their dirty job."
Jill: "Indeed."
Gabe: "And how’s our -secret weapon-?"
Jill: "…"
That silence couldn’t mean anything good…
Gabe: "Jill…?"
Jill: "It… escaped."
Gabe: "AGAIN!? I just had to recapture it this morning!!!"
I stopped dead on my track hearing the news, but she just nonchalantly shrugged her shoulders.
Jill: "I told you it was a bad idea to keep it."
Gabe: "Oh fu…! Postpone the tactical conference; I’m going to catch it… again."
Jill: "Good luck."
I really couldn’t decide what was more annoying: her nonchalant attitude, or the fact that I knew she was laughing like crazy under her façade…
Still, I had to catch it. It’s not stable yet, if it goes on a rampage, it could cause a disaster. I left Jill behind as I readied my weapon and ran off…

And so I spent the rest of my day hunting the -beast-. To be honest, I never expected such an anticlimactic end after such a great start. But as I recall the whole issue now, I think that was the calm before the storm. After all, I never could have predicted the twists the next few days had on reserve for me…
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#2 by gabezhul
2010-11-08 at 20:35
This story takes place in the year 2017. All characters and events are entirely fictional, any resemblance to real people or events is the work of the author…

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SECOND CHAPTER OF THE RECKONING WAR SAGA!
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Gabe: "Dammit, this is not how it was supposed to be!!!"
I hit the desk in frustration, throwing the cheap plastic models, representing units on the tactical map, into disarray. They say fortune can be a fickle mistress on the battlefield, but the situation in front of me was just ridiculous.
Even though the models were moved, the tactical map could still tell the absurdity of the battle. We were stuck in a deadlock for a weak by that point, and the battle literally became a standstill. And this was the first battle of this war. The ONLY battle of this war!
Gabe: "Okay, calm down, calm down…"
Jill: "That’s my line."
Gabe: "Oh, shut up!"
It was half past five in the morning, and I still couldn’t find a way to break their defenses. Our forces were completely on the same level. One of us pushed, the other one pushed back. We couldn’t make a single step towards their base, and we couldn’t retreat and strike elsewhere either. This battle was spiraling right into a last stand even though it was the first one. It was vexing, to say the least.
Jill: "You don’t have to be that mad, I’m just trying to help you."
Gabe: "I know, I know! It’s just… Agh… I’m just too tired to think."
Jill: "Then go and sleep, dumbass."
Gabe: "I can’t! I have to make up a perfect plan and break them before our forces tire out. I’m the only one who can make that."
Jill: "Yeah, like your last plan with the EMP, huh?"
Gabe: "It was just a miscalculation. In theory, it should have worked! They are cyborgs, for fuck’s sake!"
Jill: "Yet it didn’t work…"
Gabe: "Yeah, it didn’t. Now shut up and let me think of something else…"
Jill: "…"
Gabe: "…"
Jill: "…"
Gabe: "Wait! What if…?"
The sudden spark of genius, that saved me so many times, didn’t abandon me after all!
Jill: "What?"
Gabe: "I have an idea that might just work… All we need is…"
Fairy: "Sir! Sir!"
As I was about to sketch my plan, one of the fairy troops barged into the room.
Gabe: "WHAT NOW?!"
Fairy: "S-Sir, it ran away again!!!"
Gabe: "…"
Jill: "I told you it wa…"
Before she could finish the sentence, I sealed her lips with my finger.
Gabe: "You, shut up."
Then, I pointed at the trooper.
Gabe: "You, take six Sub-Fairies and comb the woods. I want it back in its cage by the morning."
Fairy: "Yes, sir!"
The fairy flew away and I returned to the map.
Gabe: "So, the plan is that… That…"
Gabe: "…Ummm…"
Jill: "You forgot it, didn’t you?"
Gabe: "SHUT UUUUP!!!"

Six hours have passed. I was still staring at the map, planning our next move according to the intel reports with the bags under my eyes growing with every passing minute. I haven’t slept in, what, forty hours? I couldn’t afford such luxuries, I had to be here, I had to be on my toes. This battle slowly became a dance of death. One step to the left, one to the right, move this unit here, that unit there… One misstep on either side could cause a cascade that would lead to almost instantaneous defeat. And my opponent knew that too, his moves matched mine as much as my moves his. No wonder though. If he was easy to defeat, he wouldn’t be my arch-nemesis on the first place…
Jill: "New reports."
My train of thought was broken by Jill, who brought the newest intel reports. I quickly snatched them from her.
Gabe: "Thanks."
I started reading, and as usual, she sat down on my shoulder doing the same.
Gabe: "Wait… This can’t be right!"
Jill: "What?"
I threw the papers to the table and stormed out of the room. Jill desperately grabbed into my hair to keep herself from falling.
Jill: "Stop! Where are you going?!"
Gabe: "He’s out there! He’s on the battlefield!"
Jill: "What?!"
I kicked the front door wide open as I flew out of the building. I ran right towards the field-headquarters tent.
Gabe: "Report!"
All the officers froze as they saw me barging in.
Officer: "S-Sir?"
Gabe: "I said report! What’s the situation over the C18 block?!"
Officer: "It’s… It’s…"
Gabe: "It’s what!?"
Jill: "Give the man some breathing space."
Gabe: "…"
Officer: "Sir, it’s a strange man who is holding back our thirteenth and sixth divisions."
Gabe: "Alone?"
Officer: "Y-Yes…"
Gabe: "How?"
Officer: "We don’t know. Any time we try to get past him, our troops get strange cuts…"
Gabe: "Scratches."
Officer: "E-Excuse me…?"
I left the tent with the same momentum as I arrived, leaving the officers dumbfounded once again. As I was running back to the compound, I started my preparations without delay.
Gabe: "Jill, I want you to get me the Nekonomicon 2000 and as many voodoo-kittens as you can find ASAP!"
Jill: "Okay, but why?"
Gabe: "That bastard is taunting me. But I will show him! His Imaginary Catgirl Bodyguards are not saving him this time! I will show him that he can’t mess with my science!!!"
Jill: "I thought voodoo was magic."
Gabe: "…"
Gabe "SHUT UUUUP!!!"

How many hours have I spent in this dark room? The heavy scent of incense was suffocating, yet I kept repeating the ritual over and over again. From an onlooker’s perspective, I might have… no, definitely seemed crazy. After all, I was sacrificing kittens in stereotypical voodoo rituals… It couldn’t be helped though; the 2000 edition of Nekonomicon was written by horror-geeks in the nineties, I couldn’t expect them to depict it realistically. Still, it was effective, so I had no real qualms about the method. Sacrifices and war always walked hand in hand, and this time wasn’t any different. And if I had to make the choice between cute, fluffy, adorable kittens and my Sub-Fairies, the choice quickly became painfully obvious. After all, kittens have no tentacles…
So, after several hours and kittens later, I finally finished. I was swimming in sweat, and I was on the brink of collapse by the end. At this point I’ve been awake for more than two days straight, working constantly. But it was worth it. If everything were to go well, the battle could be ended in just a few more hours, and then I would have all the time in the world to sleep.
I threw the last kitten into the trashcan and left the room, smirking about my inevitable victory in advance. But the smile disappeared from my face as soon as the door opened.
Gabe: "What the fuck…?!?!"
The hallway was filled with the enemy, slowly pushing my bodyguards in a corner. I instinctively jumped to the side, and just in time! A split-second later dozens of shurikens cut through the space I occupied just a moment ago. I ducked into a corner while readying my weapon.
Gabe: "JILL!"
At my call, my little advisor flew to me in a frantic arc through the window. I just managed to catch her before she was about to collide with me. She quickly shook her head and looked at me as accusingly as possible.
Jill: "What the hell were you doing inside so long?!"
Gabe: "That’s my line! What the hell were you idiots doing while I was inside?! The enemy is in the fucking main building!!!"
Jill: "Yeah, I noticed."
Gabe: "Stop with the goddamn deadpan routine, dammit! I want a straight answer!"
Jill: "… They arrived just after you entered the ritual room. We were taken by surprise, and since we didn’t have orders for such an occasion, we did our best to hold them back until you are finished."
Gabe: "…"
Gabe: "Jill, I DID give you orders in such an occasion."
Jill: "…No you didn’t."
Gabe: "Yes, I did! Before I entered the room I said: -Don’t bother me unless there is a crisis!-"
Jill: "And…?"
Gabe: "God dammit, an invasion in my own living room IS a crisis!"
Jill: "I’m not sure… Then what do you call an invasion in your bedroom?"
Gabe: "…"
Gabe: "Jill… I’m starting to feel like you don’t take this war seriously… at all."
Jill: "But I do."
Gabe: "No, you don’t! And…"
Before I could finish that sentence, a sudden black flash entered my vision. Once again, I reflexively moved, and in the next second, a huge impact shook the building.
I jumped on my feet amongst the rubble and assumed a defensive position, though I could hardly see my mysterious assailant in the dust of the crumbling wall. Whatever it was, it took the half the corridor out in one strike.
Gabe: "What the fu…? Jill!"
Jill: "I’m fine…"
She was on top of my head, holding onto my hair.
Gabe: "Go and get whatever troops you can find, now!"
Jill: "I can’t. I hit my right wing when you fell, I cannot fly."
Gabe: "It just keeps getting better and better. I guess that means I have to deal with this guy alone…"
As the dust settled, I could finally take a good look at my attacker. In fact, there was more than one of them. Four of the enemy’s troops, four nasty creatures with cybernetic enchantments. Their clothes were black as the night and they wore strange belts around their waists. From that, I knew I was in trouble.
Gabe: "Elite Cyborg Assassin Ninja Monkeys… This is going to be ugly…"
I reached for the inside of my coat to grab my weapon when I have seen something I never thought I would. In the hands of those half-mechanical killing machines, there was something that made my blood boil. My hand stopped. They were slowly encircling me as I let down my arm.
Jill: "What are you doing?!"
Gabe: "… IT was recaptured this morning, right?"
Jill: "Yes, but…"
Gabe: "Good."
The monkeys, confused by my nonchalant behavior, stopped a few feet away from me. They were still ready to pounce at me at a moment’s notice if I had shown a single opening, but they were vexed by my sudden change.
Gabe: "Take notes."
Jill: "But…"
Gabe: "Take. Notes."
Jill: "… Yes."
Gabe: "Once we are done here, I want you to deploy it. Remove its inhibitor and all the sedatives from its system."
Even though I couldn’t see her on the top of my head, I was pretty sure she was shocked beyond belief by my request. In fact, I was a little sad I couldn’t see her expression at the moment. Seeing a change in her pokerfaced expression was always a rare treat.
Jill: "But it’s not ready yet! And the monkeys are…"
At this point, I quickly reached for the back of my belt. The familiar feeling of the handle gave me the courage I needed. I lounged at my surprised assassins, and I hit the first on in the stomach without a flinch. The monkey’s torso literally exploded on contact, and while its comrades watched him in dumbfounded disbelief, I struck again. And again. And again.
In less than a few second, my assailants were nothing more than bloodstains on my carpet. But my murderous rage hadn’t soothed, not a bit! Jill, who slid down the back of my head during the fight, slowly climbed her way back onto my shoulder.
Jill: "What the hell was that?"
Gabe: "My secret weapon."
Jill: "How come I’ve never seen it before?"
Gabe: "-SECRET- weapon…"
Jill: "Ah, I got it."
Gabe: "Now then…"
I reached down and grasped the crushed monkey under my feet. I forced its weapon out of its palm and took a closer look.
Jill: "Is that what I think it is?"
Gabe: "Indeed it is. The bastard had the NERVE to use my own weapon against me!"
I held the Rusty Seppuku Spoon ™ in my hand, a sad reminder of old times. I was the one who, in inexcusable naïveté, granted these mighty weapons to him, and now my stupidity bit back. Still, it was hard to believe he would go so far to equip his monkeys with such armaments, unless…
Gabe: "I see. He was laying a trap for me…"
Jill: "You mean he had shown himself because he knew that you would try to get to him, so he created his Imaginary Catgirl Bodyguards in order to make you kill kittens and thus distract you in order for him to sneak his Cybernetic Assassin Ninja Monkeys armed with Rusty Seppuku Spoons ™ and assassinate you with strikes strong enough to destroy concrete walls while you just finished with your voodoo rituals involving the Nekonomicon 2000…?"
Gabe: "Yes! It makes perfect sense!"
Jill: "…"
Gabe: "I have to admit, I never expected such an attack, but I never underestimated him either. That’s the exact reason I have my secret weapon on me all the time aside of my standard Rusty Seppuku Fork."
Jill: "Okay, and just what IS that secret weapon?"
Gabe: "Can’t you see it? It’s the weapon of myths and legends, created by pure, crystallized Awesome and embedded with enough Kickass that could fuel the whole world for several thousand years! It’s… my Rusty Seppuku Whisk!©®™"
Jill: "…"
Jill: "I refuse to comment on that."
Gabe: "You are lucky I need you, so I will pretend I didn’t hear that."
Jill: "Suit yourself."
Gabe: "It’s enough! We have no time for this! Go and release the beast into the C16 block!"
Jill: "I just told you I can’t fly!"
Gabe: "Then start using your legs and walk, dammit! That’s what they are for!"
Jill: "Slave-driver."
Gabe: "Shut up and go!"
I lifted her from my head and gently put her on the ground.
Jill: "Fine, I’ll do it… But what about you?"
Gabe: "Me? I’m gonna get my battle gear and go to C16 as well. I’m going to lead the assault myself!"
As I looked over my dead minions and the squished assassins on the floor, rage once again claimed my mind.
Gabe: "This was the last straw!!! I’m going to get rid of you personally!!! And then, you will see that there’s NO REDEMPTION! There newer was and there never will be!!! You hear it, AHAZKUUUUUN!?!?!?!"
Jill: "…"
Gabe: "…"
Jill: "He can’t. You were shouting at a wall."
Gabe: "SHUT UUUUP!!!!"

What happened after that? It’s a story for another time. But needless to say, the next few hours became a part of history in a way I couldn’t even dared to imagine at the time…
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Bonus material: link
Alternative version: link

The SPOON: link
#3 by gabezhul
2010-11-08 at 20:36
This story takes place in the year 2017. All characters and events are entirely fictional, any resemblance to real people or events is the work of the author…

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THIRD CHAPTER OF THE RECKONING WAR SAGA!
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The sun has long since left the peak of its route, but its light hasn’t lost any of its power. I could feel it scorching my face as I left the building. In the faint breeze, I could feel the scent of blood even though the battlefield was still far away. It made my heart beat even faster as the lust for battle slowly rose in my heart, taking my reason with it as I…
Jill: "Can we go yet?"
Gabe: "… Just one more second."
Jill: "You are talking too much to yourself."
Gabe: "Oh, shut up! You know all too well we didn’t have the funds to hire a professional narrator. I’m doing my best here!"
Jill: "Whatever… I’ll go check on our backup then and leave you to your duties."
Gabe: "Okay. You don’t have to run though, I still have a lot to monologue about…"
Jill: "…"
Finally! So, where was I? Hmmm… I’ve been complaining about that it was fucking hot and that the whole place was stinking like a blood-bank after a two-week long power failure… Oh, I remember now! *cough*
I was in my battle outfit, a gear created by the finest materials money could buy. My modified black lab-coat’s pockets contained thirty seven thousand hammer-spaces, each one containing twice as much destructive weaponry as the last one. Under that I wore a power armor made of solid unobtanium-adamantium alloy, with a special surveillance helmet, including night-vision, tactical interface and gender-specific X-ray vision. And in my hand, I was wielding the weapon of legends, the weapon that inspired the concept of Excalibur, the weapon that even Chuck Norris feared… The Rusty Seppuku Whisk©®™!!!
Even looking at its magnificent form filled my soul with confidence, even though I didn’t need any more than what I had. I was about to crush Ahazkun once and for all, and no force on this planet could st…
Jill: "The troops are getting impatient, you know…"
Gabe: "Oh, come on! I’m not even halfway through!"
Jill: "The enemy is moving as well."
Gabe: "*sigh* Okay, I cut it short…"
I’m awesome. Ahazkun will pay. Background story about the feud between us. Foreshadowing about the ending. Epic pronouncement about that I’m ready for anything.
Gabe: "Here, done! Are you happy now?"
Jill: "Actually, I am."
Gabe: "Arrrgh… Okay, let’s move."
And with that, the army, with me in heading the line, slowly started moving towards destiny…

Gabe: "How’s the left flank?"
Jill: "They had heavy losses, but they managed to repel the monkeys."
Gabe: "Good… Any news on him?"
Jill: "No, there are no sightings of him anywhere on the battlefield."
Gabe: "That’s not good…"
The battle has been even fiercer ever since I entered the fray. Our forces managed to gain a foothold and has been systematically pushing back the Cyborg Assassin Ninja Monkeys on all fronts, and yet, he hasn’t shown his face.
Gabe: "He knows I want to get to him, so he tries elude us and buy more time for a counter-attack…"
Jill: "So, what are we going to do?"
Gabe: "Well, if this assault still isn’t enough for him to show his face, we shall raise the stakes…"
Jill: "You mean…?"
Gabe: "Yes. Bring in… the Gwlarkhvl!"
I could see as the blood drained from her face. I can’t blame her though. The Gwlarkhvl was our final weapon, a monster engineered from the genes of the most terrible and narcissist rapists, molded into an innocent looking yet devastating creature that had no morals, nor sexual preference.
Jill: "Are you sure… Once you use it, there’s no turning back."
Gabe: "I know that, and I am sure in my decision. Have you withdrawn the sedatives from its blood as I asked?"
Jill: "Yes. It’s true nature must have reawakened by now."
Gabe: "Perfect. Tell the fourth division to retreat in a slow, orderly fashion."
Jill: "Are we going to deploy it there?"
Gabe: "Indeed… If Ahazkun doesn’t want to show himself, I’m gonna give him a battle worth fighting for! MWU-HA-HA-HA!!!"
Jill: "…"
Note to self. After my final and utter victory, I have to learn how to laugh menacingly…

Gabe: "Everything goes according to plan…"
I have been following the retreat of the fourth division with my helmet’s built-in scope. The monkeys didn’t suspect a thing. They moved in just as ours moved out…
Gabe: "They will be in for one nasty surprise…"
Jill: "I feel so dirty."
Gabe: "This is war. We cannot be picky about our methods."
Jill: "I… I guess you are right."
Gabe: "Of course. I’m always right. Now let’s see…"
In my scope I could see the monkeys reaching the fourth barricade. Just one more, and… There it is. I reached for the remote controller and pushed the button… There’s no turning back now.
The area was suddenly filled with a thick fog as the holding cell slowly appeared from behind the fifth barricade, right in the middle of their troops. I bet the expression on their faces was hilarious, too bad they were wearing those stupid masks…
Jill:"What’s happening?"
Gabe: "Shhh… Now comes the best part!"
Jill: "But I can’t see it! I don’t have any binoculars."
Gabe: "Okay then, come here."
I picked her up and put her on my shoulder, then I mover the scope in a way so that she could see what’s going on as well.
Jill: "Thanks."
Gabe: "Don’t mention it."
Jill: "Is that… Is that the true form of the Gwlarkhvl?"
Gabe: "Yes."
Jill: "It looks so… harmless?"
Gabe: "Oh, just wait… Let me turn off the restrains and…"
The moment I turned off the restraining devices with the remote, the whole holding cell blew into a thousand pieces.
Jill: "Whoa."
Gabe: "The sleeper has awakened…"
Amidst the rubble and the panicking monkeys rose a strange figure. From afar, it seemed like a big plush toy, but its true nature was much, much more sinister. It slowly floated into the air, and after a second pause, it let out a deafening roar.
Gwlarkhvl: "ALL YOUR PUSSY ARE BELONG TO MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
Jill: "Oh my…! It attacked the monkeys and… Ewww… That’s disgusting."
Gabe: "Hey, I told you. It is the ultimate rapist."
Jill: "But… But… Jesus Christ, how can it even stuck that… that…"
Gabe: "Hyper weapon…"
Jill: "How can it do that with its hyper weapon?! And THERE?!"
Gabe: "It has no consideration about holes."
Jill: "It… It’s like a trainwreck. It’s so disturbing that I can’t bear to look away."
Gabe: "…"
Jill: "Wait! How did it do that?! Hey, does this thing has a rewind function?"
Gabe: "No. Why would a scope ha…"
Jill: "Wait! Is that even possible?! How can he do that!?"
Gabe "..."
Jill: "What that thing does goes against all the laws of anatomy, but looks awesome as hell!"
Gabe: "… You know what? I’m gonna look for Ahazkun now."
Jill: "Okay. Bye. Could you bring me some popcorn once you are done looking?"
Gabe: "Jill, you are coming with me too."
Jill: "But…"
Gabe: "You are coming with me and that’s final! I’m not gonna listen to your crying because you had nightmares about this."
Jill: "But I..."
Gabe: "*staaaaare*
Jill: "…Fine…"
Gabe: "Good, now let’s go."
Jill: "Hey, are you sure your helmet doesn’t have a recorder function?"
Gabe: "Jill!"
Jill: "Okay, okay, I stop it."
Gabe: "… Now, where could Ahazk…"
Ahazkun: "GAAAAAAABEEEE!!!!"
Gabe: "What the fu…?"
As I turned around, I could see Ahazkun on the other side of the battlefield, shouting at me with a megaphone. In turn, I turned on the voice-enchantment on my suit.
Gabe: "WHAT DO YOU WANT, A-HOLE?"
Ahazkun: "I’M GOING TO KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU’VE DONE WITH MY MONKEYS!!!"
Gabe: "LIKE YOU HAVE A CHANCE, JERKASS!!!"
Ahazkun: "I’M GOING TO GOUGE YOUR ENTRAILS WITH THIS!!!"
Jill: "What is he holding?"
Gabe: "IT’S THE FIRST SPOO…"
Jill: "IIIIIK! Turn off the loudspeaker, idiot!!!"
Gabe: "OH, YEAH, SORRY."
Ahazkun: "WHAT?"
Gabe: "PLEASE WAIT FOR A SEC, I’LL BE RIGHT BACK!"
*click*
Gabe: "Okay, done."
Jill: "Uuuuu… My ears are still ringing, you idiot!"
Gabe: "Sorry, sorry. So, what did you ask?"
Jill: "I asked about his weapon."
Gabe: "Oh, that? It’s the prototype Rusty Seppuku Spoon ™ I first made in the Mad Scientist Institute."
Jill: "So it’s just a spoon?"
Gabe: "No! Not just ANY spoon!"
Jill: "… Then?"
Gabe: "…"
Gabe: "It’s a grapefruit spoon."
Jill: "… Okay, I walked right into that one. Just… Just carry on with your half-mile conversation."
Gabe: "Wait, you don’t want to know about how I made it? And how it’s special? And how it’s…"
Jill: "No, I’m really not. Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to quietly sit on your shoulder and weep for humanity, so just keep talking."
Gabe: "It’s not JUST talking! It’s psychological warfare!"
Jill: "…"
Gabe: "Jill?"
Jill: "…"
Gabe: "Tch. Fine, then I just continue what I started."
*click*
Gabe: "I’M BACK!"
Ahazkun: "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING YOU BASTARD?!"
Gabe: "SORRY, MY ADVISOR WAS THROWING A TANTRUM ABOUT ABSOLUTELY NOTHI-O-OUCH! HEY…!!!"
Ahazkun: "???"
Gabe: "STOP IT! HEY, I SAID… -OUCH!!!!"
Ahazkun: "…"
Gabe: "OKAY, OKAY! I’M SORRY! YOU ARE NOT THROWING A TANTRUM! NOW LET GO, DAMMIT!!!"
Ahazkun: "ARE YOU HAVING A BDSM-SESSION IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR CONVERSATION?"
Gabe: "NO, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! MY ADVISOR IS JUST… A LITTLE… TOUCHY."
Ahazkun: "I SEE. WHERE WERE WE?"
Gabe: "SOMETHING ABOUT YOU GOUGING MY ENTRAILS OUT WITH THE SPOON."
Ahazkun: "AND YOUR RESPONSE?!"
Gabe: "OH, YES. *COUGH* YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME TO TRY, BITCH!"
Ahazkun: "I WILL, YOU SUCKER! THIS SPOON WITH MY COMBAT TECHNIQUES HAS THE POWER OF A THOUSAND EXPLODING STARS!!!"
Gabe: "YOU DREAM, COCKBUSTER! MY WEAPON HAS THE DESTRUCTIVE POTENTIAL OF NINE HUNDRED THOUSAND IMPLODING BLACK HOLES!!!"
Ahazkun: "YOU ARE A DISINGENUOUS BASTARD!"
Gabe: "YOU MAN-WHORE!"
Ahazkun: "ELEPHANT-RAPIST!"
Gabe: "FRIDGE-PERVERT!"
Ahazkun: "OBSESSIVE SQUIRREL-FUCKER!"
Gabe: "*BEEEEEEEEP!!!* YOU SEE, YOU ARE SO OFFENSIVE THAT EVEN THE MEGAPHONE CENSORS YOUR NAME!!!
Ahazkun: "YOU ARE… YOU ARE… SILLY!!!"
Gabe: "*GASP*!
Gabe: "THIS! IS! IT! I’M COMING FOR YOU!!!"
Ahazkun: "LIKE HELL! I’m COMING FOR YOU!!!"
And so, the negotiations have broken down. We both dashed through the field with inhuman speed towards each other as our troops tried to run as far from our rage-filled sight as they could. I could see the spoon glowing in his hand, and as I closed on him, I gripped my whisk even harder, making it glow as well. With every passing moment, we came closer and closer to each other, and as we took our final leap… Silence claimed the battlefield…

Gabe: "What… happened…?"
We stood just a few feet away from each other. If we were to jump, we could probably hit each other within a split second. But we didn’t. Actually, we didn’t even care about the other at that moment. The sight in front of us was too overpowering for any of us to think about such thing, so powerful that I had to consciously remember to breath and don’t get asphyxiated by the awe I felt. It was… indescribable.
A huge ray of blinding light illuminated the battlefield from above the clouds. It was a pure, warm light. It seemed as if it was shining right into our souls, chasing all our fears and anxieties away. And from that light came a man…
He slowly descended from heavens, as angels sang out in immaculate chorus. We couldn’t see His face, but even if we could, we weren’t worthy to do so. I tried to avert my eyes from His divine form, but I found myself incapable to do so. I was bewitched by His presence.
And finally, He was standing beside us. His glory didn’t let us see His magnificent features, but even though our eyes were obstructed, we could still see, feel His expression in our very souls. As He looked upon us, I involuntarily fell on my knees. Ahazkun beside me did the same without a moment’s delay. We weren’t worthy to face Him, let alone standing.
For a few moments, we knelt there, in silence. No one dared to desecrate this divine moment by uttering a word. But suddenly, His expression changed. Or rather, we felt His expression change. We expected that much, but we never expected its nature. It wasn’t a scolding face, nor an angry one. All we could feel in His divine spirit was the smile of a father looking upon his naughty children, without blame or pretentiousness. It was a warm and soothing expression that slowly spread in our soul, in our heart, in our body. And then, something majestic happened, something unimaginable that marked the beginning of a new era, the day our eyes were opened. He… spoke…
„Lolicons are diseased! XD do you agree?”
It sounded like this, but it was more than mere words. There was a litany, an endless fountain of wisdom in every word, in every letter of His divine voice that echoed in our soul. It was… magnificent.
For a moment, we were overwhelmed by the sheer amount of His divine benevolence, the wisdom He bestowed upon us. But we had to rise. We had to let Him know… And so, we stood up. Both of us, in perfect unison. We looked at each other. I could see the tears in Ahazkun’s eyes. There was no shame about it, my eyes were filled with them as well since the first moment I laid my eyes upon His heavenly form. I nodded, and he did the same. Then, we raised our heads and directed our eyes right at Him. And then, we proclaimed:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabe&Ahazkun: " Lord Novelsfan, we are not worthy to receive your infinite wisdom, but only say the word and we shall be DISEASED!!!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our voices, bursting from the deepest part of our soul, sang in divine harmony. We could feel His expression turning into a smile. But this time, it was the face of a proud father that filled our hearts. He looked upon us once again, then he bid us farewell in the most majestic way, and left our mortal world once again on His chariot pulled by rabid undead unicorns.
Gabe: "…"
We watched His divine figure fade into the horizon, until He couldn’t be seen anymore.
Gabe: "I guess… This is it. The end of the war."
Ahazkun: "Indeed. The end of all wars."
Gabe: "It was… Beautiful."
Ahazkun: "Yes. Yes it was."
Gabe: "So… What now?"
Jill: "First of all, catch your monster."
Gabe: "Huh, Jill?"
Jill: "I said, catch the Gwlarkhvl. It escaped in the commotion."
Gabe: "AGAIN?! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUU…!!!!"
…….

Well, yeah. Peace might not broke out immediately, but all of us who were there knew, the day of supreme utopia wasn’t as far as we though. In fact, it has always been in our reach. All we had to do, is to raise our hands and touch it. And like that, from then until the end of time, we all, shall be, DISEASED!
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Oh, and a little eye-candy... :P -> link

If anyone's wondering, most of the references are from the offtopic side of t454, t927, t813 and t682.
#4 by novelsfan
2010-11-09 at 19:20
I feel retarded for reading all that, I should read a vn instead.
ALL YOUR PUSSY ARE BELONG TO MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
XD LOL WIN!
*staaaaare*
I imagine this like this
I smiled when I readed the "Lolicons are diseased! XD do you agree?" part, still I dont understand what is so funny about that thread -.-U but gotta love how the topic went to hell XD
Lord Novelsfan, we are not worthy to receive your infinite wisdom, but only say the word and we shall be DISEASED!!!
Actually, I dont think that lolicons are diseased, I only asked if someone agreed with that (stupid) phrase, and... If they are diseased, so I am =D

I didnt understood why the war, and why my thread ended the war XD lol so funny. I have to read these threads? FUUUU NOOO! well, I will (try to) read it.

I must say that the narration at the start is really good, or maybe Im stupid, or both O-o anyway, I liked it.

Edit: sorry, but I cant read the threads, too much english (lie, its boredom) for my brain -.-ULast modified on 2011-01-01 at 14:25
#5 by gabezhul
2010-11-09 at 19:40
It's all about the offtopic weirdness of those threads. I think the only ones who would really understand it would be Ahaz, Pabloc and maybe Soketsu, though there might be some other lurkers who would find it funny...

On the other hand, I think you are just dense. This whole thing is about fun, about putting the whole offtopic stupidity into a situation where it seems like some epic, history-shaping event. Don't think about it too deeply, it was made to make your brain rest after all! :P

If they are diseased, so I am =D
Well, that does make sense... I mean, otherwise it would be a paradox, like... as if Buddha was christian or something... :P
#6 by pendelhaven
2010-11-10 at 04:11
What? Lo(l)rd Novelsfan-sama is now your typical protagonist who is so dense that his childhood friend Sumika is actually head over heels on His greatness?
#7 by pabloc
2010-11-10 at 20:06
That just made my day. :D
No, make it 2 days... No, a whole week! XD
Offtopic has never been this EPIC.

it was made to make your brain rest
Yes, after reading it my brain certainly rests... in peace. ^^Last modified on 2010-11-10 at 20:06
#8 by novelsfan
2010-11-11 at 02:11
oops, I replied in here thinking it was this thread lol, I failed again -.-U

I know this is for fun, its just that... there was some thing I didnt get, I should have readed the others threads, but... I cant ¬.¬ I lold anyway XD

@pendelhaven: I through that Gabezhul was the protagonist O-o
#9 by pendelhaven
2010-11-11 at 14:25
@novelsfan: I was referring to post 5. specifically this:

On the other hand, I think you are just dense.
#10 by gabezhul
2010-11-14 at 17:19
Okay, I doubt you care, but just in case if for some ungodly reason you actually do: COMMENTARY TIME! :P:P:P

I would like to give you a little insight about the writing of the three chapters of this epic, world-shaping story. I would actually label this post a tour into the mind of a writer, if I can label myself as such. So, let’s start from the beginning! :D

The idea came quite suddenly. It was during one of our usual, innocent offtopic idiocy-fests between me and Ahazkun when the concept hit me: what would happen if I took all these funny scraps and put them together into one, epic story? The temptation was too great to resist, so I started planning right away.

The main character was an obvious choice, my offtopic persona was perfect for such purposes. It has already been established that he is a mad-scientist in denial who is obsessed with tooth-fairies. I decided to use him as the protagonist. Then I started working on the basic outline of the plot. I wanted to start off with a fairly serious prologue to set an epic mood, and then gradually drag the story into the crazy side of the spectrum. So, I came up with the idea of a war. Then I remembered that I had a rambling with Ahazkun about a battle between his Cyborg Assasin Ninja Monkeys and my Sub-Fairies, so I decided to keep the concept and voila; I got my two factions! This was the moment when I came up with the idea of the whole plot leading up to Novelsfan’s great question, and him being the savior and all. This was also the point when I decided to keep the identity of the “enemy” secret from the readers until the end of the second chapter, in order to tickle their curiosity a little.

So, I came up with the basic conflict, but I needed to foreshadow it. I decided on a speech. By the way, speeches are the writers best friend when in comes to creating epic. To be honest, it was the part that took the most time to complete, even though it was the shortest one. I decided on an approach I tend to call “verbal eyecandy”. It’s basically a form of narration that I have hard time defining, so your best bet is re-reading again try to grasp the basics. Personally, I don’t like this form of narration as I find it needlessly flashy and a little too descriptive. It leaves too little to the imagination. :P Where was I? Oh, the speech…

So, the speech was a hard thing to write, mainly because I tried to make it epic without being inappropriate. It might sound silly, but when I wrote that, I had a hard time shaking out the image of Hitler from my head. Yeah, he was a crazed, megalomaniac madman, but he was a genius when it came to speeches and demagogy.
However, after finishing the speech, I was stuck. It became a little too serious, with all the war and annihilation and suffering and red-light-walking, so I had to rethink the whole concept. Up until that point, I thought of making a straight-man narrative, where my character would monologue throughout the whole plot pointing out the idiocies. However, after I put this much effort into making him a magnificent bastard in tune with the world, I had a hard time imagining him chewing out the scenery in the rest of the story. So, I created Jill. She is the only new character of the story and I created her for one purpose only: to serve as a perfect counterpoint. My character is loudmouthed, impulsive and batshit insane, while she is level-headed and the only sane (wo)man in the whole cast. With other words, I simply externalized my main characters sanity as a deadpan snarker character, which let me take his stupidity to whole new levels.

This is also the part where the first reference about the Gwlarkhvl appears. Originally, I planned his escapes to be a running gag, but I scrapped the idea relatively soon, and instead I made it into the epic-breaker in the ending.

And so came the second chapter. I had several ideas for this one. The first one being the one and only battle of the war. I admit, the concept of that is stupid, but I still used it since I wanted to keep this story as short and straightforward as possible. I also decided to make dialogues more prominent in face of the narrative. Because of that, most of the plot details came from the conversations of my character and Jill. And the “SHUT UUUUP!!!” gag was… Errr… Not the best executed, but that’s was the only one I had at the moment. :P
Also, there are subtle hints throughout the chapter about my character not sleeping at all. Well, this was a deliberate attempt on my part to justify why he goes from the badass orator to a lunatic by the end of the story… Yeah, sleep deprivation is scary… O_o
I’m not going to explain all the offtopic-related jokes, only one: The Rusty Seppuku Spoon ™®©. You see, it is the name of my (as of now, imaginary) company. And if I’m talking about the spoon, I have to talk about the whisk as well… Actually, I had to think a lot to find a kitchen utensil less fitting to commit seppuku with than a rusty spoon. The other runners were the Rusty Seppuku Frying Pan and the Rusty Seppuku Microwave Oven, but I decided on the whisk as the closest one to the original concept and… Face it; even the idea of someone trying to “cut” his stomach open with a whisk is hilarious. (<- Personal opinion. I do not imply that it is generally funny, it’s just that I find it funny… Here, you got what you want Union of Relatives of Seppuku Whisk Victims, stop sending me those hatemails!!!)

And it’s abut time to follow the line of though concerning the whisk to the third chapter, namely to the armor. I gave a short description, but let me elaborate a little: the only reason I gave my character such protective gear is (aside of being completely over the top) to give a huge contrast compared to the weapon. Imagine this: a man, standing in a power armor from Fallout 3, with a badass black longcoat (actually, it’s a labcoat, but it’s still cool) on top, and brandishing a huge whisk… :D

Also, the third chapter gave me the opportunity to poke fun at the aforementioned “eye-candy” narration. Honestly, such narration is my death. I recognize it’s effective as hell, but who in their right mind thinks like that?! First person narration is supposed to be erratic like, you know, real thoughts! I always facepalm when I read such narrations from the mouths of otherwise simplistic characters… Whatever, next!

About the Gwlarkhvl… First off all, I loved its concept. I mean, “a genetic mishmash of Rance, Funimori and a hundred other generic nukige rapists” just sounds epic, doesn’t it? :P And there is the scene with Jill, where I kind of had to sacrifice her personality in order to make the joke. I didn’t want to describe the acts of the Gwlarkhvl in narrative, so I had to have someone to talk about it. However, my character talking about it made little to no sense. And the only other character was her, so… I had to reverse the roles this one time. Jill was the one amazed by the monster’s perversion and my character was disgusted by it. However, they still had completely opposite reactions, so at least the concept of them being the polar opposites of the spectrum didn’t suffer any damage. :P

The “psychological warfare” with Ahazkun was, once again, an attempt on my part to write the action without narration. I don’t know what you think, but I believe it didn’t turn out that bad. :P
And the final part was me, once again, touching the fruit of effective narration. This time, instead of moody descriptions, I tried to convey a sort of exalted experience with big words and “calculated for effect” lines. The only point when I broke the (seemingly) serious attitude of the last part was the “undead unicorn” sentence, which actually came from a dream I had seen that night, with a random guy riding a flaming, rabid undead unicorn through space to catch something and reach something or something… I couldn’t recall every little detail, but the whole idea was so random that I just knew I HAD to include it in the story. :D

And, finally, the ending, which was deliberately anticlimactic and epic-breaker. You want a satisfying ending? Then read the next edition, where Novelsfan-sama beats Cthulhu in arm-wrestling while playing poker with Jesus and Chuck Norris and riding a whale in space! And in the end, he eats a black-hole WITHOUT ketchup! :D

P.S.: There are two supplementary chapters in the work, but I have little to no time to write them. This one was done while I was riding the train home... Still, look forward to them, as I'm planning to make them a little more VN-parodistic (<- Is that a word O_o?) and less about the offtopic stuff, so that people could enjoy it without doing supplementary reading...
#11 by hikigane
2010-11-14 at 19:53
Novelsfan-sama beats Cthulhu in arm-wrestling while playing poker with Jesus and Chuck Norris and riding a whale in space! And in the end, he eats a black-hole WITHOUT ketchup! :D
Novelsfan arm-wrestling with Cthulhu is ok (I can see you are aiming for realism here), however eating a black-hole... without

KETCHUP?!!?!

U INSANE!?
Did you hit your head or something?!

I mean, sure, eating black-holes is pretty clichê n stuff, but you had to break the clichê by making him eat one withtout ketchup?!?

Gabe you are beyond salvation! You! You! YOU MAD MAN!Last modified on 2010-11-14 at 19:55
#12 by gabezhul
2010-11-25 at 13:08
The first part of Soketsu's story. It takes place approximately 300 years after the end of the Offtopic War, and the characters are the "reincarnations" of the heroes from that era. It's a little more complicated than that, but I will explain it in due time. This is sort of a new continuity, in order to distance it from the Offtopic Saga, so this time, it will be more of a "serious" novel. Still, I hope you will enjoy it. :P
P.S.: There's more in the making, and I also have a plot-analysis like that of the Maou-genre in the works, so I will give you lots and lots of things to read in the next few days... :P

This story takes place in the year 2327. All characters and events are entirely fictional, any resemblance to real people or events is the work of the author…

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A long time ago, in an evil lair far, far away…
------------------------------------------------------------

???????: "Why do they always have to build their bases at places like this?"
The man raised his hand to block out the scorching waves of light from his eyes as he observed his surroundings. His face could barely be seen under his hood, but his characteristics seemed surprisingly young compared to his voice. His left eye was hidden under a deep crimson eye patch, adorned with the symbol of the Order. As he was about to move, a small silhouette appeared from his shadow.
???: "Soketsuuuuu…"
Soketsu: "Yes?"
???: "I want to take a break!"
Soketsu: "Again? But we just took one an hour ago. At this rate we never get there."
???: "But it’s so hot!"
Soketsu: "Yes, I noticed. It’s the thing deserts famous for after all."
???: "Ummmmm…"
The small shadow's owner was his partner, Kay. She didn’t seem more than ten years old at best, and she was clinging to him like a little animal.
Kay: "Pleeease…?"
As she puffed her cheeks and took out her most adorable look, Soketsu’s heart skipped a beat. She knew about his weakness a little too well…
Soketsu: "Fine. But for just half an hour and not a minute longer!"
Kay "Roger!”
The little girl, with a broad smile on her face, quickly ran to the nearest of the scarcely scattered trees and sat down under its shadow. As she removed her hood, her short, dark green hair came into light, clearly signifying her being a magical being. Following her example, Soketsu also took a seat in the shade. For a few moments, he peacefully watched the girl as she was struggling with her gourd.
Soketsu: "Need any help?"
Kay: "No… I almost… got it…!"
With a final push, she managed to open the water bottle and started gulping down its content without a moment’s notice. As he watched, a warm smile bloomed on his face.
Kay: "Kyaaaah! That felt good! I felt like I was melting away…"
Soketsu: "You know, you could just transform and it would take care of your heat problem."
Kay: "No way! It would be even worse!"
Soketsu: "Why?"
Kay: "Because then you would have to carry me."
Soketsu: "And…?"
Kay: "It’s just… no."
Soketsu: "Is it because I said you were heavy?"
Hearing these words, her head immediately turned crimson.
Kay: "It has absolutely nothing to do with your incredibly inappropriate and hurtful comment that you did on my weight at all!"
Soketsu: "Is that a yes?"
Kay: "…"
Soketsu: "You know I didn’t mean it that way."
Kay: "It’s no excuse! You should never talk about a lady’s weight, ever!"
Soketsu: "(Lady, huh?)"
Kay: "What did you say, I couldn’t hear you…"
Soketsu: "It’s nothing, just mumbling to myself."
Kay: "…"
Cutting the topic short, Soketsu reached for the bag on his belt and took out a small book.
Kay: "What are you going?"
Soketsu: "I’m checking the mission intel one last time."
Kay: "Haven’t you done that a dozen times by now?"
Soketsu: "The man we are facing today is no ordinary foe. We have to be prepared."
Kay: "But it’s boring…"
Soketsu: "And that’s why I’m going to do your share of preparation as well."
Kay: "….Uh."
With that, Soketsu started flipping through the pages. Each one of them contained a ton of text, coupled with maps, schematics, satellite pictures and various other material.
Kay: "Okay, I get it. I will be serious now, so… can you give me a run-through?"
Soketsu: "Of course."
Kay moved to Soketsu’s side and intently waited for him to begin.
Soketsu: "First of all, our target is this man."
He pointed at the picture of a man on the second page.
Soketsu: "His name is Pabloc, and a scientist of extraordinary caliber."
Kay: "He doesn’t seem that scary."
Soketsu: "As I said, he is a scientist. It’s not him we should worry about, but his creations. He is widely known to be responsible of some of the most terrible monsters ever created by the hands of humans. He’s also very skilled with machinery and weapon technology, so it’s expected that his base of operations is heavily fortified by various defense mechanisms."
Kay: "…"
Soketsu: "Our intelligence division found his lair only a few days ago, with alarming news. Apparently, he is experimenting with trans-dimensional rift technology."
Kay: "Is that bad?"
Soketsu: "It’s really bad. He apparently tries to open a portal to a dimension filled with sublolies."
Kay: "Question! What is a sub-loli?"
Hearing the question, Soketsu furrowed his eyebrows.
Soketsu: "Kay, were you even listening during briefing before we came here?"
Kay: "Ummm… I kinda got distracted halfway through…"
Soketsu let out a disappointed sigh as he turned back to the book and continued his explanation.
Soketsu: "There are several different kinds of lolis, defined by the high-scholars of our order. Sublolies are the hellish creatures that look like lolis, but are actually terrifying tentacle-monsters. And he is trying to open a doorway to their world."
Kay: "I don’t get it. I mean, shouldn’t you be happy about that?"
Soketsu: "No. The Order never endorsed sublolies as they are not true to our principles. As such, an event where someone would open a door to their realm and bring them over to our world is highly undesirable. Actually, in older text, such an occasion is usually referred at as -Subloli Apocalypse- "
Kay: "And that’s why we have to stop him?"
Soketsu: "Indeed."
Kay: "It just doesn’t feel right. Aren’t sublolies and my kind are sort of alike…?"
Soketsu: "Not necessarily."
Kay: "So, what is the difference?"
Soketsu: "I… I cannot answer that question. You can ask the scholars once we are back at the Cathedral."
Kay: "Umm… I don’t wanna. Those guys are creepy, and they always want to touch me at weird places…"
Soketsu: "Then hit them on the head until they stop, and then ask them the questions."
Kay: "Oh, good idea!"
Soketsu: "Now, back to the…"
As Soketsu turned over to the last page, his eyes suddenly widened. Then he turned to Kay with a scary tone in his voice.
Soketsu: "Kaaaaaaay…"
Kay: "W-What?"
Soketsu: "Care to explain what a yaoi drawing featuring me and the arch-bishop doing in the back of the mission manual…?"
Kay: "Oh, that…? It’s… Ummm…."
Soketsu: "…"
Kay: "Do you remember when I said I was distracted during briefing and everything…? It’s… you know…"
Soketsu: "No sweets."
Kay: "But…!"
Soketsu: "For two weeks."
Kay: "B-B-But…"
Soketsu: "And you have to do the laundry in those two weeks as well."
Kay: "Ummm… You are so unfair."
Soketsu: "Then next time you get bored, find a less disgusting way to waste time."
Kay: "You are mean."
Soketsu: "Yes, I am, and it’s also time to move on."
Soketsu stood up and dusted the back of his robes. Kay, though protesting, followed him doing the same.
Kay: "It hasn’t been thirty minutes!"
Soketsu: "Yes, but you seem rested enough. Let’s move, or we never get there."
Kay: "Ummm… Fine."
She reluctantly put her hood back on and they started walking through the scorching waves of heat once again, focusing on their objective and lamenting the lack of sweets, respectively…

The small cottage on the side of the hill didn’t seem anything special for the untrained eye, but if one looked closely, the clues were unmistakably there. Soketsu put away his binoculars and turned to his partner.
Soketsu: "This is the place, there’s no mistake."
Kay: "But… It doesn’t look like the lair of an evil scientist at all!"
Soketsu: "What do you mean?"
Kay: "You know! I expected a medieval castle with bats and lightning in the background."
Soketsu: "You watched too much horror flicks."
Kay: "But that cottage doesn’t seem suspicious at all."
Soketsu: "Indeed. And that’s why it’s even more suspicious."
Kay: "Ummm… You make no sense."
Soketsu: "You will understand once we get there."
Kay: "So…? How are we going to infiltrate the place?"
Soketsu: "We won’t. We can’t tell what kind of traps there might be, so we are going to bust in through the main entrance."
Kay: "I don’t know… If you expect traps, isn’t that the worst possible thing to do?"
Soketsu: "No. They expect that we expect traps, so they expect that we try to find another way in, but we expect them to put even more traps there, so we go against their expectations and will do the unexpected thing by doing what they expected on the first place."
Kay: "Ummm… My head hurts."
Soketsu: "Just trust me. This is basic stuff taught in Evil Scientist Extermination 101."
Kay: "Fine, I do that."
Soketsu: "Okay, then please transform."
Kay: "Wait! You mean… here…?"
Soketsu: "Yes, where else?"
Kay: "But… but…"
Soketsu: "We’ve been through this already. I’m not going to peep."
Kay: "But what if someone else does?"
Soketsu: "In the middle of the desert?"
Kay: "Those modern spy satellites are scary…"
Soketsu: "Okay, then how about this: You transform in your clothes, and I will pick them up afterwards."
Kay: "Ummm…"
Soketsu: "Kay… We don’t have all day…"
Kay: "Uhh… Fine, fine. I’ll do it. Turn around"
As such, Soketsu faced away as Kay readied herself for the transformation. As the chants of the ritual left her lips, her hair became an even brighter shade of green, and soon a faint but slowly strengthening light started radiating from her entire body. In a few seconds, her whole figure turned into millions upon millions of tiny, blindingly bright spheres of light. The mass of swirling light slowly slipped out of the clothes around it and rose above the ground, changing its shape in the process. As the light subsided, Soketsu turned around. Over the scattered clothes on the ground a huge halberd was floating in the air, like a giant feather in the wind. He slowly reached for it and grabbed its handle. Without a moment’s delay, the familiar feeling of magic coursing through his hand hit his nerves. He could also feel the consciousness within the blade, which finally put him at ease.
Soketsu: "Are you all right?"
The answer of the weapon couldn’t be heard by anyone else but him. It was her voice, echoing inside his mind.
[Kay]: "It seems so. No side effects this time."
Soketsu: "Glad to hear that. How are your magic reserves?"
[Kay]: "I’m not in my best shape, but I’ll manage."
Soketsu: "Do you want me to go a little easy?"
[Kay]: "Just a little, if you wouldn’t mind… This desert got me a little drained."
Soketsu: "Understood. Now, I just pack your clothes and we are ready to go."
[Kay]: "Don’t look at my panties."
Soketsu: "Why? It’s not like I haven’t seen them before."
[Kay]: "A-HA! So it was you!"
Soketsu: "Who was I?"
[Kay]: "The panty thief at the church!"
Soketsu: "There’s no panty thief at the church."
[Kay]: "Then how do you explain that you have already seen my panties, huh?"
Soketsu: "I was the one who bought them for you, idiot."
[Kay]: "…"
Soketsu: "Don’t tell me you forgot that."
[Kay]: "Hi hi hi… It’s something like that."
Soketsu: "… You are hopeless."
[Kay]: "Hey! That was mean!"
While his cute weapon kept throwing a tantrum in his mind, Soketsu carefully folded and packed her clothes into his backpack, looking as composed as ever. Finally, he rose to his feet and with a firm grip on his weapon, he spoke.
Soketsu: "16:34: Let His holy wisdom guide our path, and we shall be DISEASED!"
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That's all folks... :P
#13 by saberger
2010-11-25 at 13:22
You know,that parody of Muvluv is awesome
But again,you know,the story is not too fun,it is too serious.It has some hilarious moment but......Last modified on 2010-11-25 at 13:22
#14 by hikigane
2010-11-27 at 02:34
I'm eargerly waiting for the continuation....

Say gabe, did you base soketsu's version on Elemental Gelade?Last modified on 2010-11-27 at 02:35
#15 by pabloc
2010-11-27 at 12:21
I sense something awesome is coming...
Obviously, I'm eagerly waiting for the continuation as well. ^^
#16 by gabezhul
2010-11-27 at 14:09
Phew... Okay guys, the second part is a, little... long. :P
I just finished it, and I have only ran through it once, so I'm sure there are quite a few typos in there, so please forgive me. I will re-check it on a later occasion... Also, the story is a direct continuation of the previous post, so read it as such. Enjoy. :P


_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*-_-*

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A long time ago, in an evil lair far, far away… (Pt. 2)
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A huge cloud of dust and sand blew into the wind as Soketsu kicked the ground under his feet. He was about a mile away from the small building, yet the distance seemed trivial compared to his speed. With his long robes fluttering in the wind, he was moving with inhuman velocity, and with each leap, he became even quicker. Moving in a straight line, ready for anything, he closed on the cottage in a matter of seconds. But against all his expectations, there were no traps at all. Not a single landmine or automated turret. However that didn’t put him to ease at all as, after the last huge leap, he stood in front of the small entrance of the building. Without even blinking an eye, he swung his huge weapon with blinding speed, and the door in front of him blew into several pieces, as if it was blown away by a bomb. And inside he found… nothing…
Soketsu: "…"
The silence was vexing. For a moment, he almost thought he had the wrong cottage, but he quickly shook the idea out of his head. It was the place. It -had- to be… and there was no other building on the outskirts of the desert anyway. He cautiously took a step inside the single room. It was completely empty, yet it was spotlessly clean. After another step, a sudden quake almost knocked him off his feet. He quickly regained his footing and raised his weapon while he was turning towards the source of the trembling.
On his left, just under the wall, the floor slowly split with a loud mechanical sound and a long staircase came into view, leading into the depths. With cautious eyes he slowly examined the new path that opened before him. He was expecting a lot of things, but not this. He was more or less invited to enter the lair of his enemy. After some consideration, he made his decision. He had been prepared to go head on against anything his enemy might throw at him, and that didn’t change. He carefully put his foot on the first step, and after he made sure it was stable, he began his descend into the darkness of the deep.

After almost ten minutes of walking in the dimly-lit caverns, he finally reached his destination. In the natural cave walls stood a huge metal door. He had never seen anything like that before. It was almost twice as tall as him, and its surface was clear like a mirror. In fact, he could see his reflection in it as he was getting closer. The moment he stopped, another quick quake shook the ground under him, but this time it didn’t catch him off-guard. He steadied his footing as the enormous metal door slowly began to move. Huge, rune-like lights flashed on its surface, creating a breath-taking sight as its wings slowly gave way to him. On the other side, he could see a huge hall, with machinery and conveyor belts in tidy lines. At first glance, it seemed like one of the factories of old times, before the Devastation, except that the place was way too clean, almost sterile. After a breath, he entered. Just as he did, the great wings of the door closed themselves behind him. It didn’t really bother him, as he had more important things to worry about.
??????: "Welcome to m… *SKREEEEECH!!!*"
Without even thinking, he immediately swung his weapon towards the source of the voice.
Soketsu: "…?"
He expected to find a body, but the thing lying in front of him was nothing more than a big, semi-transparent screen sliced in half. As he was about to reach down to take a closer look to the unusual piece of technology, another voice hit his ears.
??????: "That was rude. Do you have any idea how much one of those costs?"
As he turned towards the speaker, he found another screen. It was floating in the air like it was the most natural thing to do, with a man’s face in its middle.
Soketsu: "Pabloc, if I presume."
The man’s lips slowly curved into and amused smile. He brushed away a tuft of his mid-long brown hair from the front of his glasses as he answered with a serious yet slightly amused tone.
Pabloc: "Indeed, that’s me. Long time no see, Soketsu."
Soketsu: "…? Have we met before?"
Pabloc: "It’s a long story and I can’t really tell you like this. How about you put that ugly killing tool away and we talk things over like reasonable adults?"
[Kay]: "Hey! Who do you call ugly, nerd!?"
Soketsu: "Sadly, I can’t do that. My orders do not allow me to engage in idle chatter."
Pabloc: "Is there nothing I can say that would change your mind?"
Soketsu: "I’m afraid there isn’t. My mission is absolute."
Pabloc: "Too bad. I hoped we could do this peacefully but I guess I really can’t go against his predictions. I hate to resort to violence, but it’s also a good opportunity to test your abilities... Good luck."
Soketsu: "…!"
The sudden spike of danger hit Soketsu’s temple like a sharp needle, and he immediately rolled to the left. It was nothing more than a reaction of pure instinct without any basis, but less than a split second later the spot he was standing on seemingly exploded. He barely managed to avoid the debris blown away by the impact, but he immediately jumped on his feet and distanced himself from the spot. As he turned towards the crater, he could see two silhouettes rising from the debris. Two humanoid robots painted red and blue, each wielding two strangely shaped blades. Their resemblance of humans was really vague. Their limbs were long and thin with clearly visible moving parts, and the part that could be called their head was nothing more than a cluster of sensors and cameras. Their movements were surprisingly fast and accurate as they straightened themselves and raised their weapons in unison.
Soketsu: "Let me introduce you to Red and Blue, my security guards. Please play with them for a little while.
He readied himself as the two locked their sensors on him. For a moment, the air was filled with tension, but that dissipated in a moment as both mechanical assassins lunged at him with perfect synchrony. Soketsu once again kicked the ground as he propelled himself towards his foes with speed no less than theirs. He was wielding his weapon with majestic grace, delivering strike after strike with long, arching swings. Such attacks would have been suicidal for anyone else, but his speed was even greater than his mastery of the weapon. Strikes that should have left him wide open for several seconds were delivered in the blink of an eye, with bone-shattering force, yet with the delicacy of a painter’s strokes. However, his enemies weren’t taken back at all.
His assailants were dreadful in that they were faster and stronger than any human he had ever faced. Each of their strikes carried the force of a sledgehammer and their hits were literally raining upon him. They were synchronized to an almost frightening level. He soon had to realize, that he wasn’t fighting two enemies, but one with two bodies.
The battle was hard to follow with the naked eye. Two, colored metallic figures chasing a dark robed figure with blinding speeds. Each time their weapons met, the force of the collision sent out a deafening shockwave rippling thorough the air. As the battle reached its climax, the red robot suddenly raised both his blades and delivered a huge upward swing. Soketsu barely managed to move out of the way as he realized that the second one escaped from his sight.
Soketsu: "(Behind me…!)"
As he skillfully dodged to the side, his expectations were betrayed. With a huge shock, two blades struck towards him from above.
Soketsu: "(…!)"
He barely managed to duck out of the way of the attack, but the shockwave of the impact under his feet still knocked him into the air. He could see the red robot raising his blade once again, ready to deliver the finishing blow. However, he didn’t get the chance after all. Soketsu swung his blade downwards in mid-air, and using the leverage he delivered a quick kick into the head-part of the robot. As it tumbled backwards, the blue one pulled its blade from the ground and swung at him once again. He barely managed to pull back his halberd to defend himself, but since he had no footing, the strength of the attack sent him flying.
Soketsu: "Gah…!"
His short flight was stopped by one of the big machines by the side of a conveyor belt.
[Kay]: "Soketsu!"
Soketsu: "Ugh… I’m fine."
He quickly shook his head and jumped on his feet. Even though the machine he collided with was dented, he didn’t show much damage on the outside. However, he knew all too well that he was pushing his natural limits. His hands were numb and the muscles in his legs were screaming in pain. It was clear to him at this point; he could probably beat one of those things without problem, but two of them at once were too much. He raised his halberd and looked around. By that time, his attackers should have been at his heels again, but he found them right where he was knocked away from. Both of them were standing still by the flying screen with Pabloc’s face.
Pabloc: "Hmmm… I expected more from you, you know. Is that the best you could do?"
Soketsu: "…"
Pabloc: "Seriously now. Don’t you have something up your sleeve? This is getting boring."
Soketsu: "Very well then. I think I will get a little serious after all…"
Soketsu quickly reached into his robe and the next moment, he swung his hand towards the robots. Their mechanical reflexes let them dodge the projectiles, but the screen got nailed to the nearby wall by several thin, sword-like nails. The picture flickered for a second and Pabloc’s face abruptly faded… Only to reappear less than a second later on another floating screen.
Pabloc: "Black Keys? Seriously? Do you want Ciel to sue your pants off or what?"
Soketsu: "… Ciel?"
Pabloc: "Another long story. Are you sure you don’t want to listen to it instead of being the stereotypical religious terminator?"
As he finished this line, another Black Key cut through the air, embedding itself right into the middle of the screen. It didn’t go out immediately this time though.
Pabloc: "I guess that’s a no. Okay, so we have to do it the hard way after all…"
As so, the robots once again locked onto him. As they started to move, Soketsu immediately threw a dozen or so Black Keys at the farther one while adjusting his grip on his weapon to one handed use. The battle, though even more fierce than before, became surprisingly elegant. Soketsu tried his best to only fight one of his assailants at a time, so he used his projectiles as distraction. On the other hand, the swings of his halberd became almost artistic. As he had no leverage, he had to keep his weapon moving all the time. Attacking, blocking, even when he was throwing his Black Keys, he was swirling his weapon in beautiful arcs, as if he was performing in a play. His dance-like steps were especially spectacular compared to his foes’ rigid, mechanical moves. However, this was a stalemate at best, and unlike the robots, he would sooner or later tire out. Apparently, they knew this fact as well as they didn’t try to execute such maneuvers as before and were obviously doing their best to make him exhaust himself.
After several minutes of performance-like battling, Soketsu’s moves slowly started to lose their speed. And as such, he finally resolved himself to end the battle…
Soketsu: "(Sorry Kay. I promised I would go easy on you, but I need your specialty after all.)"
[Kay]: "I was wondering when you ask! I’m ready when you are!"
Soketsu: "Thanks. Let’s go!"
A sudden flash and sound of clinging metal filled the air for a moment. For the untrained onlooker's eye, the scene would have seemed completely impossible. Soketsu raised his halberd above his head as its blade became glowing with an ominous light.
Soketsu: "Ever 12! Extended Cut!"
With an earth-shattering sound, Soketsu drew a huge arc with his weapon. As the blade ran its course, the air rippled around the edge as if it was burning with white flames. The shockwave following the strike expanded explosively and everything in front of him was devastated. His foes, the machinery, even the opposite wall was cleaved through like it was butter. It was a beautiful, clear cut reaching way beyond the halberd’s range. Soketsu straightened himself as he looked over the destruction.
Pabloc: "Impressive."
From beyond the rubble, another floating screen came into view. Soketsu let out a huge sight without even looking at it.
Soketsu: "How many of these floating things do you have?"
Pabloc: "Does it really matter?"
Soketsu: "No. You won’t need any more."
He finally faced the screen and locked his eyes with Pabloc’s.
Soketsu: "I’m coming for you."
Pabloc leisurely reached to his glasses and set them straight with a slight smile.
Pabloc: "I’m waiting."
Just as he finished that short sentence, a Black Key pierced the screen. It immediately went black then slowly descended into the floor. Soketsu turned his back to it and resumed his search with renewed determination.
Soketsu: "Kay."
[Kay]: "Yes?"
Soketsu: "Please try to regain as much power as you can. I have a feeling that things are only going to get harder from here."
[Kay]: "Ummm… And at the beginning you said you would go easy on me…"
Soketsu: "Sorry, I never thought we would face such adversaries."
[Kay]: "But I did well, didn’t I?"
Soketsu: "Yes, it was a splendid cut."
[Kay]: "Yay!"
Soketsu: "Okay, back to business. Please try your best."
[Kay]: "I will!"
Soketsu: "Good."
And with that, Soketsu kicked down the door leading to inner section of the facility and ever so cautiously continued his mission. He found himself in a long maze of corridors, but strangely, he felt he had been there before. Without any instructions, he closed on his target with purposeful steps. After only a few minutes, he found what he was searching for. A great, finely crafted mahogany door with the name of his enemy embedded in it with strange cursive letters. The lack of security didn’t bother him anymore, he just threw the door open without any planning. And on the other side, he found what he has been looking for.
Pabloc was comfortably sitting in his comfy chair behind a fine wooden desk. There were countless floating screens all around him, each one of them replaying a different section of his fight with the robots. As he entered, the screens quickly moved behind Pabloc. The man, still sitting in his chair, welcomed him with a broad smile.
Pabloc: "About time. I was afraid you got lost on your way here."
Soketsu: "Drop the pleasantries, we both know why I’m here."
Pabloc: "Indeed. And yet, here you are, talking instead of doing your -job-."
Soketsu: "…"
Pabloc: "Is there something you want to ask, maybe?"
Pabloc’s slightly arrogant smile annoyed him, but he suppressed the feeling for a second.
Soketsu: "Actually, there is one."
Pabloc: "Oh? Then, out with it. What do you want to know?"
Soketsu: "Why are you trying to open a doorway to the realm of the Sub-lolis?"
Pabloc: "What do you mean? I’m not trying to open a doorway. I’ve done that a long time ago already."
Soketsu: "!?"
Pabloc: "You don’t believe me? Here, let me prove you."
He turned away from the confused Soketsu and pressed a few buttons on one of the screens beside him. A few seconds later, the door on the left side of the room opened and a small, nightgown wearing girl entered.
????: "*yawn* What is it Pabloc-san? I was taking a nap…"
Pabloc: "Sorry Lily, but I wanted to introduce you to our guest."
The little girl wiped the drowsiness out of her eyes and looked over Soketsu while she absentmindedly jumped into Pabloc’s lap.
Lily: "Is that Soketsu-san? He seems shorter than what I thought…"
Pabloc: "Don’t be rude to our guest."
Lily: "So~rry."
Pabloc: "Anyway, this is Lily, emissary of the Sub-lolis."
Lily: "Nice to meet you!"
Soketsu was utterly confused. The little girl in front of him didn’t seem like anything the records indicated. He once again spoke with obvious disbelief in his voice.
Soketsu: "Are you telling me that she is a Sub-loli?"
Pabloc: "Hard to believe, isn’t it? At first, I was prepared to cut out a few unnecessary parts from my brain if they happened to be more like Cthulhu, but it turned out they can consciously shapeshift between their loli and their tentacle form. Now tell me, isn’t she cute?"
The little girl blissfully squirmed in his lap as Pabloc patted her head. Soketsu on the other hand was completely baffled by the turn of events.
Lily: "Pabloc-san! I’m hungry!"
Pabloc: "Oh, now that you mention, my old friend brought you a few kittens yesterday. They are in the fridge."
Lily: "Yay! Kittens!"
She jumped off Pabloc and gleefully ran out of the room.
Pabloc: "And dress up before you catch a cold!"
Lily: "Ha~i!"
Pabloc finally turned his attention to the man in front of him once again. In the meantime, Soketsu entered the room and was only a few steps away from him, yet he was completely relaxed.
Pabloc: "She’s just adorable, isn’t she?"
Soketsu:"…"
Pabloc: "Have you changed your mind?"
Soketsu: "Sorry, but changing my mind is not an option. I have my orders, and I have to complete them."
A dark shadow ran through Pabloc’s expression after hearing these words, but in the end, his usual smile once again conquered his face.
Pabloc: "Very well then. This was my last idea. I guess I have no other choice but to fight you."
Hearing these words, Soketsu’s brows involuntarily rose. He didn’t expect the mild-mannered scientist to attack him. Nevertheless, he immediately readied himself.
Pabloc: "Just one last question: Do you know about my special ability?"
Soketsu: "…"
Pabloc: "I take that as a -no-. Did you know that these screens around me cannot float at all?"
Soketsu: "?"
Pabloc: "It is my will that levitates them. It is my power, manipulating space around me. Spatial position, velocity, inertia… I can move and manipulate any and all objects within half a mile as long as they are not heavier than the 150% of my own weight."
Soketsu: "A scientist with such a high level magical ability… I sincerely didn’t expect that."
Pabloc: "But that doesn't remind you of anything, right?"
Soketsu: "…"
Pabloc: "*sigh* Just as I though. You are just as thick as back then."
Soketsu: "Back then…?"
Pabloc: "Another long story. Now, If you excuse me, I have to beat the living feces out of you."
With that, Pabloc’s body leisurely rose out of his chair with a chilling glare in his eyes. With that, the sides of his desk popped open, and a dozen or so long, hiltless blades flew out of it, dancing in the air. Soketsu raised his halberd, and a split-second later, the battle finally began…

Pabloc’s blades were flying with surgeon precision towards Soketsu’s body, who had a hard time deflecting each one of them. They were moving with great speed, carried the force of a high-caliber bullet and they attacked him from every possible direction. No matter how fast he moved, the blades were following his every step. On the other hand, Pabloc calmly floated at a safe distance, with four blades in talon for defense. However, Soketsu hardly got a chance to strike at him. In fact, he was slowly cornered by the relentless assault of the bladestorm.
Soketsu: "Damn!"
[Kay]: "This is bad! We need to do a Release!"
Soketsu: "(Are you sure? You know how taxing it is on your body.)"
[Kay]: "It’s still better than you getting turned into fillet!"
Soketsu: "(True enough… Please do your best to hold on.)"
[Kay]: "If you have time to worry about me, worry about yourself first!"
Soketsu smiled lightly at the comment of his cute partner. In preparation, he let his weapon down. Just as he expected, the blades around him stopped in the next moment.
Pabloc: "What? Are you done already?!"
Soketsu: "No. Actually…"
He reached for his eye-patch and forcefully tore it off his face. As the piece of cloth fell from his hand, he slowly opened his left eye and…
Pabloc: "?!?!"
Pabloc barely had the time to brace himself. Soketsu’s attack came without warning and it was fast as lighting. The blades between them were scattered in every direction, some of them laid broken on the floor, and Pabloc only managed to stop his opponent’s halberd a few inches away from his face. After the first shock he quickly flew back and put some distance between themselves while recollecting his blades.
Pabloc: "So you still had something up your sleeve, huh?"
Soketsu: "You have my sincere commendations. I never expected that you would be able to block my attack."
Pabloc: "Why, thank you. Would you be so kind to explain what it was?"
Soketsu, holding his halberd in one hand and reaching for his Black Keys with the other slowly took a step towards his foe.
Soketsu: "This is the reason why I’m the number one protector of our order. My inherent ability that let me perceive and react to anything in three dimension; the Mystic Eyes Of Depth Perception.
Pabloc: "…"
Soketsu: "…"
Pabloc: "You do realize that depth perception is not a superpower… do you?"
Soketsu: "Do not try to talk your way out of…"
Pabloc: "No! I’m serious! Depth perception is not a superpower! Everyone has it!"
Soketsu: "You are delusional."
Pabloc: "No, I’m not! Dammit, even I have depth perception."
Soketsu: "I see… It must be the glasses that emulate the effect."
Pabloc: "What?"
Soketsu: "It actually makes sense. So that’s why you can control the blade in 3D."
Pabloc: "… You know what? Okay. You won. It is a superpower. And to show my appreciation of how much you won, let me give you a gift. Catch!"
Soketsu: "?!"
Pabloc reached into his pocked and threw a small, cylindrical object at him. As he was about to reflexively strike it, it suddenly burst into a blinding flash of countless colors. Soketsu was hurled back by the explosion, but quickly yet unsteadily rose to his feet.
Soketsu: "What the hell was that?!"
Pabloc: "A Hand Grenade of Creepiness, a weapon created by the essence of male-derederes. One of my latest creations. How did it feel like?"
Soketsu: "I’ll tell you after I washed that smug smile off your face."
Soketsu lunged at Pabloc with rage he never has shown before. He effortlessly brushed away his enemy’s blades as he closed upon him. Pabloc tried his best to keep the distance, but it soon became clear to him that he had no space to maneuver. As such, he decided to make his last stand.
Pabloc: "I’m so going to hate myself for this tomorrow…"
He reached into his other pocket and took out another grenade while Soketsu was about to make his final strike. He pulled the safety pin, but instead of throwing it at his opponent, he simply threw it into the air. A moment later, an even greater explosion of blinding light filled the room as they were both thrown into another quarter. As Pabloc stood up in the midst of the rubble, he painfully held his head.
Pabloc: "I was wrong… I already hate myself for that…"
As he was about to search for his opponent, as sudden flash blinded his eyes. He was able to shield himself with the remaining blades, but the impact of the attack sent him flying. The next moment, a hand grasped his coat and threw him to the ground in mid-flight. As he opened his eyes, he could see the heavily breathing Soketsu holding the blade of his weapon at his neck. For a moment, neither of them spoke. The oprresive silence was finally broken by Pabloc's smile.
Soketsu: "What’s so funny?"
Pabloc: "I’m just amused. Not even The Unholy Hand Granade of Endless Nausea could take you down."
Soketsu: "So that’s what it’s called… Either way, it’s over. You are coming with me."
Pabloc: "Oh. You are not going to decapitate me on the spot? I’m surprised."
Soketsu: "You will have to explain your actions to the High Council of the order. They may judge that your knowledge is worthy enough to keep you alive."
Pabloc: "Oh, I would be honored. However, I doubt you can do that."
A slow, rumbling sound could be heard in the background as the ground started to tremble under their feet.
Soketsu:"What the…?"
The next moment, a huge crash shook the complex as a strange figure crushed his way though the wall of the room. Before he could even react, Soketsu was sent flying through the thick walls of the facility, and crashed right into the huge hall whence he came from. Even with his magically hardened body, the strength of the impact left him with huge damage. He unsteadily rose to his feet, leaning on his weapon while frantically searching for the attacker.
[Kay]: "Soketsu! Are you all right?!"
Soketsu: "Ugh… What in Novelsfan-sama’s name was that?! It felt like I was shot from a cannon…"
[Kay]: "Look out! He’s coming again!"
Soketsu: "Wha…?!"
Soketsu’s expression froze in bewilderment. The silhouette walking through the hole he blew into the wall was unmistakable.
Soketsu: "You… can’t be…"
Clad in thick, blood red magitech armor, adorned by countless rune-like lights stood the man, wearing a coat as black as night on top of his garment. His form was unmistakable. There was only one man in the history of the land with such outfit, a man who became an iconic figure. The first Prophet, the one whose name is sung and damned at the same time within the walls of every cathedral. Suddenly, his helmet’s visor opened, revealing his face. His expression was hard to see, but Soketsu would have sworn that he was grinning like a madman. And as such, he beckoned to him.
Gabe: "Long time no see, Second prophet of Novelsfan-sama. Care to play a little? Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
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#17 by hikigane
2010-11-27 at 19:29
Mystic Eyes Of Depth Perception
Eyes Of Depth Perception
Depth Perception
Depth

This made me stop breathing for about a minute.

That was pretty epic.
The battle scenes were even better described than the other ones in your stories.
I dare say it was better described than the ones in Tsukihime.

That last plot twist didn't make sense to me, but i guess it will all be explained on the next chapters, so i'll refrain from saying anything about that.Last modified on 2010-11-27 at 19:35
#18 by gabezhul
2010-11-27 at 19:46
It will be explained all right. As I have already said somewhere before, this is the half-serious version in a new continuity. As such, get ready for some weird twists here and there, including the truth behind the Reckoning War, and in the next chapter, even Ahazkun's character will make an appearance to explain everything... :P

P.S.: Done with the typo-check... My god, there was a lot of them... -.-'
I'm gonna start writing the next chapter now, I'll try to finish it by tomorrow. :P

P.P.S: @17: Thank you for the compliments, but I doubt the writing is on Nasu's level... Though I admit, the whole fighting and whatnot was aimed to be something like that but... I just thank you for your compliments... :P
@19: Which references do you mean? More Nasuverse references or more Offtopic references? O_o?
#19 by hikigane
2010-11-27 at 19:54
Sounds weird having my persona explaning something even i don't know.

But anyway, keep up the good job.

P.S.: I demand more references!
#20 by pabloc
2010-11-28 at 17:56
Depth. XD

Now, who needs visual novels, when we have Gabe? ^^

My persona turned out to be quite badass. I like the image of a cool, always smirking, villainious scientist/mage, especially with Lily on my lap. :D

But more seriously now, your guessing ability is quite scary. When I read about "brushing away a tuft of mid-long brown hair from the front of glasses"... Hey, are you sure we haven't met in person some time ago? That's exactly how I was a year ago or so (now I have shorter hair and usually wear contact lenses). O_o
And, some exaggerations aside, your character's calm, collected and sort of perfectionist personality resembles me a little too much. It is possible to guess some things about a person, by reading his/her posts, but you went a bit too far. Are you a psychic or what? XD

Anyway, that was a great read, as always. Looking forward to the next one. ^^
#21 by hikigane
2010-11-28 at 18:46
@gabe's edits

Whatever references you can cook up.
Depth perception was epic.

Now, who needs visual novels, when we have Gabe? ^^
Lately i've been visiting VNDB mostly for its forums.

I even placed a live RSS/ATOM bookmark of VNDBs recent posts on the bookmark bar. xD
#22 by gabezhul
2010-11-28 at 19:49
Okay, here it is, the next chapter. Enjoy... or not. Though I hope you will do... :P

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A long time ago, in an evil lair far, far away… (Pt. 3)
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Pabloc: "About time you showed up…"
From behind the hole, Pabloc came into view. He was dusting his lab-coat as he walked up to the armored man.
Gabe: "Yeah, yeah. You should be glad I arrived at all. Do you know how hard it is to get into this suit without help?"
Pabloc: "I can imagine."
Soketsu, still in shock, quietly watched the banter between the two. His stance was indicating he was ready to attack or defend on a moment’s notice, bit it was easy to see how his grip weakened. Victory was twisted from his hands in the last second and another adversary appeared from nowhere. He carefully examined his situation. The journey through the desert and the two consecutive battles has considerably drained him, and his worn out body was seriously wounded by the last sneak attack. His chances weren’t bright, to say the least.
Gabe: "How is he?"
The man in the armor, even though a few seconds ago declared himself to be willing to fight, has seemingly forgotten about Soketsu. He leisurely pointed at him during his conversation with Pabloc as if he didn’t even care about that he could see them.
Pabloc: "I managed to make him take both grenades. He should be easy to subdue, but be careful. His weapon seems to be quite powerful."
Pabloc apparently didn’t suffer any serious injuries in their fight, as he was talking without any problem. For a few seconds, Soketsu considered what his chances would be if the scientist would decide to fight him as well, and they seemed even darker than before.
Gabe: "O-ho! You mean that halberd? It looks sweet all right!"
Soketsu lightly shook his head and collected himself. Escaping was not an option. He had to make his stand, and he had to come up with a plan, quickly. In his mind, he called out for his partner.
Soketsu: "(Kay, how are your reserves?)"
[Kay]: "The release took out a lot. I’ve been focusing all my concentration into recollecting as much energy as possible, but I doubt I could hold out for too long?"
Soketsu: "(How much time do I have?)"
[Kay]: "I don’t know. Ten or maybe fifteen minutes, if you fight the same way as before. I don’t think I could keep it together for much longer."
Soketsu: "(In that case, we are going all out. I’m going to defeat them before we deplete our magic.)"
[Kay]: "It’s risky. What if we run out too soon, or…"
Soketsu: "(It’s a gamble, but this is the best I have. We can’t run, so this is the only option. Trust me, we can do it.)"
Kay didn’t answer, but Soketsu could feel a huge amount of magic coursing through his veins. The pain in his body slowly faded as he tightened his grasp on his halberd.
Soketsu: "(Thank you, Kay.)"
[Kay]: "Don’t say it like that… It feels like you are saying goodbye."
Soketsu’s expression suddenly gave way for his emotions as a warm, affectionate smile settled on his face.
Soketsu: "(Don’t worry. Remember? We promised to never say goodbye."
[Kay]: "But… But…"
Soketsu: "(Don’t worry. We still have a lot of things to do. Our story does not end here. I won’t let it end here.)"
Soketsu’s determination finally calmed his partner. He could feel the flow of magic in him becoming smoother, almost soothing. He silently thanked Kay once again and faced his enemies.
Soketsu: "Hey, you!"
His face was stern and cold as ice. The men looked at him with mild irritation as Pabloc answered.
Pabloc: "What do you want? We are talking here, wait for your turn."
Soketsu: "I’m not talking to you."
He pointed his halberd at the armored man as he spoke with an overbearing echo in his voice.
Soketsu: "I don’t know who you are, or how you had the nerve to wear such an outfit, but I have nothing to do with you. I came for Pabloc and only him. Get out of my way, now!"
After a brief moment of surprise, a broad, amused smile sat on the man’s face as he looked upon Soketsu.
Gabe: "You have nothing to do with me? What a joke! You are quite the jester, aren’t you? He he he he he…"
He turned to Pabloc as he skillfully folded his coat’s sleeves up to his elbows.
Gabe: "How are you holding up?"
Pabloc: "I’m fine. I got was caught in the blast of the second grenade, but I’m fine otherwise."
Gabe: "Glad to hear that. If you are good, then go and prepare the medical equipment…"
He leisurely cracked his knuckles as the subtle humming of his suit gradually became louder.
Gabe: "… He’s gonna need a lot of stitching once I’m done with him."
Pabloc: "Don’t go overboard."
Gabe: "Hehehe… There’s no such word as -overboard- in my dictionary!"
With this, he flexed the suit’s artificial muscles and started walking. Pabloc let out as huge sigh as he turned his back on him.
Pabloc: "That’s the exact answer I was afraid you would say. Better get the life-support into working condition..."
And with that, he disappeared into the darkness of the ruined corridors.

Soketsu pulled back his halberd and assumed an offensive stance as the man slowly approached him. His visor was still open, so he could take a closer look at his face. He seemed young, maybe in his late twenties. His features seemed strangely familiar yet he couldn’t put him anywhere within his memories. Finally, he stopped a few feet away from him with a neutral stance. It seemed like he was not going to attack him just yet, but Soketsu didn’t let his weapon down. For a few seconds the air between the two was filled with tension so thick that could knock out an unprepared bystander. The silence was finally broken by Soketsu.
Soketsu: "Who are you?"
Gabe: "Can’t you tell?"
Soketsu: "I want to hear it from your mouth."
Gabe: "Very well then. My name is Gabriel Zhul Vi Chroath, late emperor of the Grand Fairy Nation, First Prophet of Novelsfan-sama and NOT a mad scientist."
Soketsu: "…"
Soketsu: "Liar."
Gabe: "Oh, come on! Is it that hard to believe?"
Soketsu: "The First Prophet disappeared more than three centuries ago. I don’t know who you are, or what you are trying to gain by impersonating him, but I cannot let your blasphemy go unpunished."
Gabe: "So you do not believe me. You are just as thick as back th…"
Soketsu: "Silence! I don’t care. Ever since I came here, you two have been trying to confuse me and make me believe that I know you! I won’t have it, impersonator!"
Gabe: "At least call me by my name. You know? Gabe?"
Soketsu: "I don’t know why you are so obstinate about that. Do you really believe that you are him? Or are you just simply mad?"
Gabe: "…"
Gabe: "… Maybe I am. Who knows?"
Soketsu: "…"
Gabe: "It’s hard to tell what sanity is when you cannot remember ever being called that. But I don’t really care. This conversation has become pointless already."
Soketsu: "It has indeed. Shall we begin?"
Gabe: "As you wish. I was itching for some good old-fashioned brawl for a while anyway."
His visor slowly closed, and once it was secured into the helmet, a dozen white dots appeared on its surface, like the eyes of a spider. Gabe took a defensive position, and though he was unarmed, the ominous humming of his suit made his presence threatening nonetheless. When he spoke once again, his voice was a deep, computer-enhanced sound.
Gabe: "You are the guest in this place, so you can have the first strike. It’s my treat, ha ha ha!"
Though he was taken aback by the proposal, Soketsu didn’t hesitate for long. He firmly planted his feet and locked all his attention onto him. The magic in his veins was cruising with insane speed, pushing his body way over its natural limits. As such, he took one final breath and suddenly… disappeared. He ran with speed way beyond human capabilities. With each step, he kicked the ground strong enough to embed his foot onto the concrete floor. The ground was breaking and the air was sizzling around him as he made his charge. Gabe seemed to be in a standstill as he raised his halberd. The blade struck with lightning speed and enough force to kill a bull elephant. Soketsu could see his enemy cut in half, his armor crushed into pieces in his mind. But reality was different…
Soketsu: "What… the…?"
The sight before Soketsu’s eyes was completely baffling. The attack he put all his might into was effortlessly stopped by Gabe’s armguard. With one hand. Without a scratch. His shock was hard to describe, but also a huge opening. Gabe effortlessly brushed the blade aside and stepped in towards Soketsu. He reached out with his right hand, and grasped his robe. Before Soketsu could even react, he suddenly raised him above his head, smashed him into the floor, and then promptly threw him away like trash. Soketsu managed to regain his senses in mid-air, and hastily planted his halberd into the ground to stop himself before he hit the ground. As he tore his weapon from the ground and faced his opponent, a sudden chill ran through his spine from the realization. He was thrown to the other end of the huge hall, right by the gigantic metal door he first entered. And his enemy did that with only one hand...
Gabe: "That was a splendid attack, but it lacked a little something."
Gabe was still standing at the exact same spot where he threw Soketsu from and was cracking his knuckles.
Gabe: "I guess it’s just no good. You know what? I’m gonna give you a little time to recollect yourself, and you are gonna listen to my little lesson in exchange. How does that sound?"
Soketsu was in a pinch. He felt, he knew, that his foe could end the battle with a single stroke if he wanted to. He was playing with him. However, he still had a single ace up his sleeve, and the only thing he needed was time to get ready. As such, he withdrew his weapon.
Soketsu: "I’m listening."
Gabe: "Really?! Wow! I didn’t expect that!"
Soketsu: "…"
Gabe: "Okay, just let me remove this…"
With that, his visor opened once again.
Gabe: "… Here you go. So, where was I…? Oh, yes I was going to talk about these…"
Gabe nonchalantly approached Soketsu as he tapped at his armguards with his fingers.
Gabe: "Have you heard of the Seppuku weapons?"
Soketsu: "…"
Gabe: "Come on! I’m nice enough to give you time to rest a little, at least be so good to answer me when I ask."
Soketsu frowned and answered with an irritated voice.
Soketsu: "They were created by the First Prophet as stealth weapons, shaped like utensils. They are rare and fabled armaments of legends by today."
Gabe: "Of course they are! I was the one who made them, after all! Bwa-ha-ha!"
Soketsu: "…"
Gabe:"But do you know how they work?"
Soketsu: "No one knows. They never managed to reproduce the originals or work out the principles they worked upon. They were the creations of a genius."
Gabe: "Oh, you humble me! But back to the weapons: They basically work on a vector-redirection system. Once they are turned on, their surface will redirect any incoming force right back whence it came from in an exponentially increasing magnitude. With other words, you hit something with a Seppuku Spoon, and it gets struck by both the force AND the counterforce, as long as the headpiece is in contact with another surface, while you experience no resistance on the handle itself."
Soketsu: "…"
Gabe: "The Fork version worked the same way, except that it had ranged functions. By utilizing the air-particles between the fork’s spikes, one could create shockwaves just by swinging it the right way. It was a weapon of skill indeed, but the absolute top of the line was the Whisk. The state-of-art of vector-manipulation and pocket-space technology. It was one of my greatest sparks of genius, I tell you!"
Gabe’s voice was enthusiastic, like a kid who was bragging with his new toys. Soketsu on the other hand was completely silent, as if meditating wile he was listening to his rambling.
Gabe: "The Whisk’s wireframe was actually a series of interlocking field-generators, each one with the capability of a Spoon. The coupling actually put their output power to the fourth power! That little thing had enough destructive force to actually be our final weapon against -It-."
Soketsu "It?"
Gabe: "You know, the huge monster thingie that Novelsfan-sama set upon us three hundred years ago."
Soketsu: "…"
Gabe: "More on that later, I went a little offtopic here. The thing is, these armguards, and actually my whole armor works on the principles of the Seppuku technology. Actually, it’s even more advanced than those old remnants of my genius. The built-in hammerspace not only allows me to dissipate the force of any attack, it also lets my suit collect and store it in the form of kinetic energy within said pocked dimension. Neat, huh?"
Soketsu: "So it’s something like a defensive field magic."
Gabe’s expression darkened after hearing these words and he raised his voice.
Gabe: "Just because you don’t understand something it doesn’t mean it’s magic."
Soketsu: "Yet you couldn’t explain the either."
Gabe: "I could most certainly try, but the principles upon which the system works are so advanced that you couldn’t even comprehend. It is virtually ties up the laws of physics and stuffs them into a closet while it does its job."
Soketsu: "So it really is just like magic after all."
Gabe: "… I have a feeling you are deliberately trying to make me angry… And to tell the truth, you are doing a damn fine job at that…"
Soketsu: "Why, thank you Mr. Imposter."
Gabe: "… Okay, lesson’s over, now I’m going to give you a physical demonstration."
Gabe lowered his body as his armor’s artificial muscles tightened around his skin. Soketsu did the same while holding his weapon high, ready to lunge at any moment. As his visor closed once again, the familiar lights appeared on its surface and Gabe’s mechanically enchanted voice could be heard echoing in the hall.
Gabe: "Brace yourself."
His body suddenly disappeared, just like Soketsu’s a few moments ago, leaving a huge crater and the sound reminiscent of a sonic boom behind. The next moment, he appeared right next to Soketsu, brandishing his knuckle. He dodged to the right, but his jump was followed by a lightning-fast kick to the face. He barely managed to brace himself with his weapon, but didn’t stop for a moment. He immediately launched a counter-attack, which was effortlessly blocked by Gabe’s armguard. His opponent immediately launched another counter, which even though blocked, sent him into the air. While in mid-air, Soketsu turned around and brandished a dozen Black Keys, raining down on Gabe’s figure. He deflected each one with lightning speed and perfect accuracy, but this gave Soketsu ample time to land and launch is next attack.
Soketsu: "(What the…!)"
As he was about to spring at his enemy, he suddenly saw something from the corner of his eye. Gabe did a half turn and as he pointed at him, a projectile left his hands. He barely managed to knock the incoming object aside and raised his weapon once again, but the distance was too short by that time. Gabe once again stepped right into his attack and grabbed him. While he was thrown over, he could see the broken Black Key on the ground where he came from. Apparently, the projectile he had seen was the last Black Key he used, thrown right back at him. However, he didn’t have much time to think about such things, as Gabe’s heel was about to crush into him as soon as he hit the floor.
Soketsu: "(!!!)"
Soketsu managed to the roll out of the way at the last moment, but by the time he was on his feet, his foe’s relentless assault was upon him once again. The situation was obscure. Even though he had the longer reach, he simply couldn’t utilize it, as Gabe was faster than him. His weapon’s length was actually a disadvantage in this situation, as he could barely block any of his opponent’s hand to hand attack with it. In the end, all he could do was to endure and wait for his chance.
Soketsu: "(I…have to… hold on… just a little longer…)"
Gabe’s attacks were devastating. Even though Soketsu’s body was filled with magic to the brim and was supposed to be as hard as iron, his fists delivered considerable damage. Hopeless couldn’t even begin to describe his situation. Even the strikes he managed to deliver were blocked almost effortlessly. No, in fact, they WERE blocked effortlessly. No matter how much he tried to break his defense, Gabe’s armguards were stopping his attack like as if he was hitting a stone wall with a stick, leaving him wide open for counter attacks. He tried to change tactics, and aimed at his torso and feet, but his opponent’s reflexes were out of this world. By the time his attack would have connected, all he could see was the fluttering of the black coat in the corner of his yes, followed by yet another devastating counter.
But he was still holding out. He was determined to the limit, and giving up hasn’t even crossed his mind. He came up with new tactics every second, and when they failed, he immediately adjusted them or came up with new ones. And…
Soketsu: "(Wait… Is he…?)"
Even though he was getting beaten, Soketsu’s steps didn’t falter. On the other hand, Gabe’s moves suddenly slowed down, so much they could be very well called sluggish compared to his previous vigor. Soketsu didn’t fail to notice this change, and even though he had no idea of the cause, considered he hadn’t managed to lay a single clean hit on him; he took hold of the opportunity without a second though.
Soketsu: "(NOW!)"
After taking one last punch, he managed to put a good distance between him and Gabe. He suddenly raised his halberd high above his head and roared with all his might!
Soketsu: "EVER 6: SHOCKWAVE PULSAR!"
His halberd’s blade suddenly flared up as if it was smoldering as he quickly whirled it around and delivered an attack… right into the ground in front of him. Hundreds of cracks ran through the stone floor as the impact hit, and a split-second later, the whole area burst out in a huge explosion as if a bomb went off underground. Gabe, after the first shock, quickly tried to gain footing in the flying debris while searching for Soketsu. As his sensors finally found him, he could hardly believe his eyes. Soketsu was floating in the air above him amongst the blown up rocks and debris, with an enormous amount of magic leaking from his body. His whole figure was cowered in an eerie, green glow from head to toe as he pulled his halberd behind his back. His weapon’s contours were hard to see as the insane amount of magic distorted the air around it, but it was shining with a light that could blind a careless man.
Soketsu: "Lord of Lords, our master and guide, Novelsfan-sama..."
Even through the aftermath of the explosion and the countless pieces of falling debris all around him, Gabe could still hear Soketsu’s slightly ominous chanting as if he was standing right beside him.
Soketsu: "You, who had shown us the light of your infinite wisdom, please guide my hand…"
The air around them became heavy with magical energies. The power was literally swirling around Soketsu’s body as he kept talking in an increasingly passionate voice.
Soketsu: "… and help me smite my enemies with your fury!"
The swirling suddenly stopped as he reached the end of the sentence. His halberd’s edge suddenly extended way over its usual size, glowing furiously as if it was about to devour the whole place. Soketsu locked his eyes upon Gabe’s figure as a triumphant smile rose to his face. Then, with a majestic echo, he declared his final attack.
Soketsu: "THE LAST HOLY SCRIPTURE! EVER 17: CHAMI’S JUDGM--"
Gabe: "LIKE HELL I’M GONNA LET YOU MAKE THAT MOVE!!!"
As he was about to release his attack, an equally great crimson light blew into his eyes from Gabe’s direction. His palm, pointing towards him, was bathed in light as a huge, swirling ball of light appeared in it. Soketsu used all his might to swing his weapon, but it was too late…
Gabe: "EAT KINETIC INFERNO, BITCH!!!"
The ball of light immediately exploded into a ray of pure kinetic energy, aimed right at Soketsu. He had no chance of avoiding it. By the time he could even react, the impact already hit his chest. His mind went blank. His halberd was torn from his hand by the untold amount of pressure as he was propelled towards the ceiling with terminal velocity. As he hit the cold concrete, he rebounded like a ragdoll, half-unconscious from the collision, and he was about to fall when a sudden flash filled his sight.
Gabe was flying towards him in mid-air with his visor open, his face in a devilish smile as another red ball of light burst from his palm.
Gabe: "AND HERE’S THE DESSERT!!!!"
He had no strength left to defend himself as the impossible amount of pressure hit his chest. He was once again sent flying with the speed of a bullet, and crashed right into the huge metal door. The immense structure stopped his flight with a deafening jar, his body leaving a giant dent on its spotless exterior. For a moment, he was motionlessly embedded into its surface like a grotesque piece of modern art, but gravitation soon claimed his body as he quietly fell to the ground with a thud, echoing in the hall. And after that, he didn’t move.
The eerie silence was broken by the touchdown of Gabe, who left a little crater under himself in the process. He looked over the motionless body and painfully shook his hands. He raised his leg, but before he could take the first step, a bright flash claimed his attention. From behind him, Soketsu’s weapon burst into countless particles of light and immediately reformed itself into a small, humanoid form. The little girl, completely naked, frantically ran to his lying partner without even looking at his way.
Kay: "Soketsu! Soketsuuu!!!"
She fell to her knees beside him and took his head into her little arms, crying. With her weak voice, she kept calling for him, not caring about the armor-clad man approaching them.
Kay: "So-Soketsu.! Please, wake up! Please! Please…"
Gabe was almost standing beside her by the time she finally noticed him. As she raised her eyes, she looked like a little animal. Scared, yet fierce and hostile to his presence. For a second, her eyes kept jumping between Gabe and Soketsu, and then she suddenly stood up and threw her body between the two. Naked as a newborn child, she threw her arms up as if forming a line between them with fiery resolve in her eyes.
Kay: "Leave him alone! I won’t let you touch him anymore!"
Her arms and legs were shaking with both exhaustion and fear and her breathing was inordinate, yet her eyes showed unwavering determination. Gabe stopped on his track for a moment as he looked deep into her eyes. Then he took a step forward. And another. With each step, the girl’s legs trembled, yet she never took her eyes off him.
In the end, they were standing right in front of each other. For a few seconds, the standoff continued, as neither of them averted their eyes. Finally, Gabe raised his hand. Kay instinctively twitched and closed her eyes, but instead of pain, she could feel the rustling of something warm around her body. As she opened her eyes, there was a black coat on her, with the armored man standing above her.
Gabe: "It’s a little dirty, but please bear with it for now. I’m sure he would be sad if you were to catch a cold."
She was utterly confused by the turn of events as Gabe turned his back on them. In the background, Pabloc’s figure could be seen in the company of Lily and several mechanical helpers, bringing stretchers and some medical equipment. As they arrived, Pabloc turned to Gabe while shaking his head in an amused way.
Pabloc: "Why do you always try to act that cool?"
Gabe smiled as he wiped some blood from the corer of his mouth.
Gabe: "I don’t act. I’m just that damn cool of a man, he he he."
Pabloc: "You never change."
Gabe: "About time you noticed. But still…"
He gave a painful groan as he removed his gloves.
Gabe: "… I might have went a little overboard this time. He he he… Please take care of those two. I think… I’ll just… take… a little nap now…"
And with that, like a puppet with its strings cut, he collapsed. Pabloc caught him in his fall, and slowly laid him down onto a stretcher.
Pabloc: "… And here I though the word -overboard- does not exist in your dictionary. Hah."
Pabloc readjusted his glasses as he looked over his surroundings. The medical robots had scooped up Soketsu and were just about to initiate first aid while others were taking Gabe back to the infirmary. On his left, Lily was trying to make conversation with the crying Kay, smiling innocently at the girl as she was looking over the treatment of her unconscious partner. And beyond them… complete, utter destruction all around. Pabloc’s lips suddenly curved into a smile as he let out a huge sigh.
Pabloc: "What a tiresome day…"
And with that, he followed the medical bots with silent steps into the depths of the facility once again…
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Okay, so Ahazkun's character didn't appear this time... Again. Sorry, but in the next chapter, I promise that he will make his debut. :P

By the way, there will be one more serious chapter, after that, there will be about four or five slice-of-life chapters where I will explore the characters and their relationships from many different viewpoints, and then there will be one final, epic conclusion... Please look forward to it. :P

P.S.: By the way, Ahaz. What kind of weapons should your character sport. Since he is a clairvoyant, I was thinking about some strange weapon combo that only he could use effectively (since he can see his enemies' moves before they even make them), so I was thinking about giving him a rapier in the left hand an a huge grand-mace (a spiky iron rod, if you will) in the right, giving him two weapons with extremely different speed and stopping power. Or, the idea one of my friends made, high-tech dual blade-whips. Or, something that another friend of mine had for an idea, dual machine-guns, as there are no other ranged weapon users in the story. I'm not really comfortably with the last one, as he is supposed to be a sneaky, cryptic, all-knowing sage, but whatever, I let you decide on this one. :P
#23 by saberger
2010-11-28 at 23:05
How about Wolverine's claws?
sneaky, cryptic, all-knowing sage
Well,he can move without making noise or sound as he has a "Light step" trait,sneak to his enemies,and gaww them down with his claws.You can create them to be more assassin-like by cloaking them with poison which can paralyze his foes or electrocut their nerves or whatever.
As he can see into the future,he could predict where his opponents will be in the next 10-30 secs, so he can thrust them with his claws(it sounds weird,but i can't think of any thing else)
That's my opinion though.Anyway, I like your writing-style, please don't die early,i want to see more works from youLast modified on 2010-11-28 at 23:07
#24 by hikigane
2010-11-29 at 03:02
Thats a quite tough question.
Considering the first chapters where I fought you, with your creations (Short ranged, sword-like weapon), I believe I should be using some kind of blade.

A claw sounds fine by me.

Though I was thinking on having my characer carring more than 2 weapons, and having him alternate between them when needed. (An all-rounder all-knowing sage sounds like overkill, but if you consider that an all-knowing sage knows all different types of things, including various different ways to wield innumerous weapons, I guess it would sound kind of fitting imo.)

P.S.: I want a cute little (tsundere) loli! I don't want to be the only ronery lolicon prophet.Last modified on 2010-11-29 at 03:39
#25 by gabezhul
2010-11-29 at 06:36
Anyway, I like your writing-style, please don't die early,i want to see more works from you
I know i should be thankful for the positive reactions, but somehow this still creeps me out... O_o'

On the note oh Ahaz's armaments, you guys made a valid point and I made my decision. However, I'm not going to tell you just yet. Wait for it. :P
P.S.: I want a cute little (tsundere) loli! I don't want to be the only ronery lolicon prophet.
Worry not, my friend. You will get your share of cuteness as well. By the way, have you noticed that the female cast only consists of
magical beings..? Not that I'm implying anything... :P

And by the way, the next update will be on Thursday. I have other duties to attend to, but I just really love to write this. :D

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