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Review of Boku wa Bishoujo Nanka ja Arimasen!

SubjectBoku wa Bishoujo Nanka ja Arimasen!
ByVote: 7barfboy on 2021-04-12
ReviewApparently I finished. It's fun but frustrating.

First off, the fun stuff. Shiozaki Minato is kicked out of his house by his father (more about that later) and is wandering the streets not sure where to go when he's picked up by Mikogami Yua. Yua finds him to be so cute that she takes him home and starts dressing him up in girl clothes, makeup, and a wig and insists he call her 'onee-sama'. He'll get to stay at her house so long as he plays dressup with her. After a few days, teaching him to act more feminine, getting him used to girl clothes and makeup. She even forces him to strip naked so she can teach him how to properly wear underwear and makes him watch her pee so he can learn to properly behave as a girl even in the bathroom. Finally she puts him in a school uniform, old style sports bloomers, and a school swimsuit. After checking that everything fits and how to hide his penis even when wearing a swimsuit she says 'great, all ready for school tomorrow'. Eh? School tomorrow? Aren't we just playing dressup? Nope. All this is to get him ready to attend the all girl's school with her as her 'cousin' Mina. His name in the dialog text box even changes from 湊 to 美菜. This is some crazy A level conversion shit. During a sex scene she even berates him from calling his penis a 'penis' and yells at him until he properly calls it a 'clitoris'. The conversion is complete after DRAMA When he confronts his own father for trying to touch Yua and goes full berserk mode on his father. Then he goes back to wandering the streets until Yua finds him and tells him to come home. He says he can't pretend anymore. She tells him 'You ARE a girl. You ARE Mina. You ARE my cousin and you belong in an all girl's school like the beautiful girl you are.' to which he finally agrees and returns home with her. There's a few more sex scenes. The end. Extremely cute and satisfying stuff.

The frustrating. There are some missteps. There are a LOT of choices and very little of it is relevant. It's not Meaningless Choices because you get new scenes with each choice but there's not a lot of variation. You'll get a choice to take 'girl' lessons from Yua or help Yua out in her student council lessons then later get new choices and after awhile you'll end up getting all the choices you missed. Eventually it gives you exactly one choice to make because you've gone through all the others. You'll STILL have to play it more than once to get all the scenes though because the order you do them is apparently important but there's not much extra. I unlocked a scene where the other two girls in the game, I'll upload their character pages later, have sex with each other but playing the whole game again to unlock that one scene is silly. The main story progresses exactly the same way no matter what.

The game autosaves frequently. It autosaves a brand new save on the list. This means if you say, have to go to bed and wake up the next day so you save it, you'll have to search for your save among all the autosaves. The game even goes through on your second playthrough to just add more until it loops on itself and completely fucks over all your save files into an incoherent mess. Who thought of this?

The game backtracks on it's conversion of Minato into Mina. During one scene where Yua is rubbing Mina's penis until he orgasms she forces him to call it a 'clitoris' and not a 'penis' to which he finally does. Then it completely drops this for all future sex scenes with Yua. What was the point? In sex scenes Yua acknowledges him as a boy completely breaking the conversion and even begs him to get her pregnant. His name even goes back to 湊 in the dialog box and Yua will cry out 'Minato' sometimes. What the fuck? Were you trying to convert him into your female cousin or just screwing around with the guy you want for your boyfriend?

There's even a scene where Yua gets angry that 'Mina' gets an erection so she shoves him on the floor and starts crushing his penis with her foot. She yells out 'what do you even have this filthy thing for?' and when he says 'because I'm a boy' she gets even MORE angry and threatens to have the damn thing cut off. To go from that scene to a sex scene where she's riding him and saying 'please Minato, impregnate me with your huge dick!' Face = palm. Who wrote this?

So yeah. Fun but frustrating.